Showing posts with label parenting skills. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting skills. Show all posts

07 February 2011

It’s All About the Power and Control, I Mean the Kids

Everyday we all hear about or read about divorcing couples fighting over who gets the kids.  Fighting over their own children like they are some sort of property to be traded back and forth.  There are many people that believe ALL mothers should always have custody with very little to no visitation for fathers; and likewise there are those out there that believe the opposite, ALL fathers should get custody and mothers should get little to no visitation.

Personally I don’t see how so many people can see this issue in such black and white terms.  Not ALL mothers are good parents and not ALL fathers are good parents.  For the most part the daily news will show us that most child abuse and child murders are committed by fathers, and yes, occasionally by mothers.  This still doesn’t prove that ALL fathers are bad or good or that ALL mothers are bad or good.

In the last few years I have learned more about the Father’s Rights Movement, and I can say that I’m more than a little shocked at what I’ve learned.  The Father’s Rights Advocates would have everyone believe that they are just concerned for fathers as a whole having shared or joint custody.  They would have us believe that their number one concern is actually the children in divorces and custody cases.  On the surface if one doesn’t dig too much that sounds wonderful.

However, when looked at further it is easily seen what the real agenda is for the Father’s Rights Movement.  The further abuse and victimization of their ex-wives and children.  Before I go any further here, I’d like to point out that I fully believe that good fathers have

sought out the assistance of the Father’s Rights Movement and one of two things happens... they either leave, frustrated and still alone in their plight OR they become enmeshed in the bitterness which abounds.

What I see out of Father’s Rights Advocates around the internet appears to be mostly just a bunch of men (and a few women that will do anything to get the attention or have a little power for themselves) who have been abusive in one way or another to the mother of their children and now feel that comfy rug of power and control being ripped from under their feet. 

What better way to continue to abuse and control your victim when they walk away than to take possession of their children?

One main reason that I’ve formed the opinion that I have of the Father’s Rights Movement is because only abusers would look at the news we see of fathers murdering and abusing their kids and deny that it happens, or make excuses for it happening.  The strict adherence to the ‘ALL fathers should have custody’ line that they feed everyone is the basis of my opinion that the majority of those in the movement are abusers grasping at keeping the power and control they had.

Here is an example, mind you... this is only one search, but there are many like this.

VISITOR ANALYSIS

Referrer
http://www.google.com/m?q=do wifes come back after losing custody?&start=20&sa=N

Search Engine Phrase
do wifes come back after losing custody?

Search Engine Name
Google

Search Engine Host
www.google.com

Host Name
74-82-64-35.rdns.blackberry.net

IP Address
74.82.64.35
[Label IP Address]

Country
United States

Why would someone look for this?  Other than because they are contemplating attempting to gain custody through the Family Court just to get their ex-wife back under their power.  This doesn’t sound like a man who loves his kids and wants the best for them, this sounds like a man who loves control and will use whatever means available to him to maintain or re-gain his power and control.

I never meant for this to be this long, so I will wrap this up by saying... not ALL men should have access to their children regardless of what the FR Advocates say.  Likewise, I can admit that not ALL women that give birth are the best parent choice either.  The natural equipment that we are born with which enables us to create life does NOT dictate how a person will be as a parent.

Since it is obvious that I have much more to say about this... there will be other posts on this subject.

 




17 March 2010

What Divorce and Parenthood Should Look Like

I’m not talking about the bit where he won the lottery and is going to share it with his ex-wife.  I am talking about the bit where they have been separated all these years (but recently divorced) and they are still friends.  They are civil to each other and still enjoy hanging out together for their daughters well-being.

http://au.news.yahoo.com/queensland/a/-/world/6949836/man-divorces-wife-wins-lottery

 

Man divorces wife, wins lottery

    A UK bus driver has won $3.8 million on the lottery but vowed to share his winnings with his ex-wife.

    Kevin Halstead, 46, and his former wife Helen, 43, received their divorce papers four months before the lottery bonanza, the Daily Mail reports.

    "This win will help my friends out and she is still my friend," Mr Halstead said.

    The father-of-one is also aiming to help his current partner, Josephine Jones, obtain a passport so she can take her first ever trip overseas.

    He's denied reports that he went out to celebrate divorcing his wife the night before he bought the winning lottery ticket.

    "It is not true," he was quoted as saying.

    "We split up 13 years ago but we did not bother divorcing until four months ago because of our daughter."

    "She is a very good friend. I go round and have cups of tea with her and her new partner. We have had a giggle about that this morning."

    Mr Halstead, from Lancashire, has driven a bus on the same route every day for the last 17 years but has vowed not to quit his job.

    He told the Daily Mail: "I don't want to pack my job in. I asked my boss for time off, a month maybe two, but I don't want to cut myself off from my friends and I really enjoy my job."

    The avid Liverpool supporter has also promised his daughter, Jessica, 14, a pony.




    30 December 2009

    When your babies start having babies themselves, please help them to be parents

    This kind of story really gets to me....I don’t know the young father involved, but at his age I doubt that he is a malicious person (yet).  This to me sounds more like a case of a child trying to raise a child and not having the right tools to get that job done safely! 

    Adult parents...please, please, when your kids start having kids...TALK to them about what to do when they get frustrated with the baby, or with life in general.  I am sure there have been many parents that have felt frustrated over the years because of not enough money for Christmas or Birthday’s or whatever...caring parents WANT to get things for their kids that they may not have had growing up.

    But, a mature parent doesn’t see causing pain to the crying baby as way to ease that frustration.  The baby is already crying...why do something that will cause even MORE crying?

    Yes, I think this young father should be punished for what he did, make no mistake about that!  But, the mature adults in his life need to step up and help him as well.  Mature adults everywhere need to step up to the plate...regardless of how well you tried to keep your babies from having babies too early...they do it...move on.

    Don’t kick them out of your lives, help them.  Continue to parent your kids so that they can parent theirs!

    Teen charged, accused of burning baby in bath

    By Cindy Swirko
    Staff writer

    Published: Wednesday, December 30, 2009 at 2:02 p.m.
    Last Modified: Wednesday, December 30, 2009 at 2:02 p.m.

    Child abuse charges have been filed against a Gainesville teen-ager on accusations that he burned his 6-week-old baby in hot water.

    The incident happened Dec. 24. The 17-year-old father and mother took the baby to Shands at the University of Florida with second-degree burns to the buttocks.

    Police were called because of the nature of the injury.

    "The investigation revealed that the father was frustrated that the baby was crying, and he boiled several bowls of water and placed them in the baby bath and put the baby into the hot water," Gainesville Police Lt. Mike Schibuola said. "He said he was frustrated and angry because he didn't have a job, he didn't have any money, and he had no presents for Christmas."

    The baby's mother was not home when the incident happened and was not charged, Schibuola said. The father was charged with aggravated child abuse.

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