It’s All About the Power and Control, I Mean the Kids - Part Three

“If you want to change the culture, you will have to start by changing the organization.” ~ Mary Douglas (1921-2007)

Monday and Tuesday I gave you my opinion about the Father’s rights Movement, that I think it may have started out as some good fathers and men attempting to make their children’s lives better.  I said that I believe abusers have taken that over and ultimately made children’s lives worse through the Family Court System.

After all, it is abusers that want to maintain power and control of their victims and could care less about what is really best for their kid’s.  They will twist everything so that it appears to those they are manipulating that the victim is the one in the wrong or that the victim is the abuser.

Today, I felt it was only fair to discuss the various avenues that a truly good father can take to protect him and his children.  I’ve already stated that I don’t believe that just being a parent (whether mom or dad) makes a person a good parent.  There are men out there that are abused by women and there are kids out there that are abused by moms.

Most of the time men that abused will not seek help; mainly for the same reasons a woman won’t, but with the added social embarrassments that women don’t have.  What will their friends and family think about them ‘letting’ a woman abuse?  Men are most often not believed either; by friends, family, and professionals.

The reason for these two additional factors is because the way society as a whole thinks about gender.  A man doesn’t ‘let’ himself be abused anymore than a woman ‘lets’ herself be abused.  No abuse victim wants to be abused, in any way, regardless of what type of abuse it is.  An abuser can gain power and control of their victim in many different ways and the victim rarely sees this happening until it is too late.

When a man finds himself the victim of domestic violence or abuse and seek help they often find no services geared specifically for men.  The main reason for this is that most men (not all) are not abused to the point that they can no longer provide for themselves or that their lives are in physical danger.  The shelters that are set up to help women can’t house abused men in with abused women for many reasons, mainly because many abusers attempt to play themselves off as victims to gain entrance into a shelter to find their victims... horrifying!  But also because most shelters are not set up for co-habitation between males and females.

Organizations and shelters can however still help men that need that help.  The can help them by providing emergency assistance with vouchers for hotel for a couple nights for their safety, this is one of the things a man would have to know to ask for though... even most women don’t know to ask for a voucher when told the shelter is full.

Men can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for Men and Women at 1.888.743.5754 to ask for advice and help in their particular situation.  Online a man can go any of these sites (which I found here):

• Start with our list of Programs Closest to You
• Battered Husbands Support
• Battered Men.com
• Battered Men: Research Reveals A Secret Side To Domestic Violence (Originally published in The Pacific Sun, overview of research and stats related to female perpetrators)
• Domestic Violence Against Men (From Oregon Counseling)
• Domestic Violence Against Men in Colorado
• Domestic Violence - Another Perspective from MenStuff.org
• Male Depression.com
• S.A.F.E.: Stop Abuse for EVERYONE

I would suggest that any man who is a victim of domestic violence visit An Abuse, Rape and Domestic Violence Aid and Resource Collection:  http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/malevictims.shtml  There are a lot of good resources there that can help a man and their children.

There are good fathers out there, I just want them to be able to help themselves and their children without getting sucked into the FR Movement.  After all abusers can manipulate anyone, that is what makes them good at lying in court and getting their way, rather than the best interest of their child being protected by the court.

It’s All About the Power and Control, I Mean the Kids

Everyday we all hear about or read about divorcing couples fighting over who gets the kids.  Fighting over their own children like they are some sort of property to be traded back and forth.  There are many people that believe ALL mothers should always have custody with very little to no visitation for fathers; and likewise there are those out there that believe the opposite, ALL fathers should get custody and mothers should get little to no visitation.

Personally I don’t see how so many people can see this issue in such black and white terms.  Not ALL mothers are good parents and not ALL fathers are good parents.  For the most part the daily news will show us that most child abuse and child murders are committed by fathers, and yes, occasionally by mothers.  This still doesn’t prove that ALL fathers are bad or good or that ALL mothers are bad or good.

In the last few years I have learned more about the Father’s Rights Movement, and I can say that I’m more than a little shocked at what I’ve learned.  The Father’s Rights Advocates would have everyone believe that they are just concerned for fathers as a whole having shared or joint custody.  They would have us believe that their number one concern is actually the children in divorces and custody cases.  On the surface if one doesn’t dig too much that sounds wonderful.

However, when looked at further it is easily seen what the real agenda is for the Father’s Rights Movement.  The further abuse and victimization of their ex-wives and children.  Before I go any further here, I’d like to point out that I fully believe that good fathers have

sought out the assistance of the Father’s Rights Movement and one of two things happens... they either leave, frustrated and still alone in their plight OR they become enmeshed in the bitterness which abounds.

What I see out of Father’s Rights Advocates around the internet appears to be mostly just a bunch of men (and a few women that will do anything to get the attention or have a little power for themselves) who have been abusive in one way or another to the mother of their children and now feel that comfy rug of power and control being ripped from under their feet. 

What better way to continue to abuse and control your victim when they walk away than to take possession of their children?

One main reason that I’ve formed the opinion that I have of the Father’s Rights Movement is because only abusers would look at the news we see of fathers murdering and abusing their kids and deny that it happens, or make excuses for it happening.  The strict adherence to the ‘ALL fathers should have custody’ line that they feed everyone is the basis of my opinion that the majority of those in the movement are abusers grasping at keeping the power and control they had.

Here is an example, mind you... this is only one search, but there are many like this.

VISITOR ANALYSIS

Referrer
http://www.google.com/m?q=do wifes come back after losing custody?&start=20&sa=N

Search Engine Phrase
do wifes come back after losing custody?

Search Engine Name
Google

Search Engine Host
www.google.com

Host Name
74-82-64-35.rdns.blackberry.net

IP Address
74.82.64.35 [Label IP Address]

Country
United States

Why would someone look for this?  Other than because they are contemplating attempting to gain custody through the Family Court just to get their ex-wife back under their power.  This doesn’t sound like a man who loves his kids and wants the best for them, this sounds like a man who loves control and will use whatever means available to him to maintain or re-gain his power and control.

I never meant for this to be this long, so I will wrap this up by saying... not ALL men should have access to their children regardless of what the FR Advocates say.  Likewise, I can admit that not ALL women that give birth are the best parent choice either.  The natural equipment that we are born with which enables us to create life does NOT dictate how a person will be as a parent.

Since it is obvious that I have much more to say about this... there will be other posts on this subject.

 

Children Have A Right to A Relationship with Their Father

While attempting to write up something coherent on this news article I found a post on RandiJames.com that I’d like to share with you.  I am still currently too mad...and worried for these little girls to say anything useful here!  But Randi James put it very well:

Original Post here:  http://www.randijames.com/2010/03/children-have-right-to-relationship.html

UPDATED!! AGAIN
Does watching child porn match you a bad father? Maybe, maybe not. But who'd like to bet their own children on it? Any volunteers?
No, seriously.
A father was convicted of child pornography offenses a couple of years ago.
His wife left him.
Subsequently, the father has been trying to get access to his children.
The court previously found that he had behaved inappropriately in bed with one of the children.
But JUDGE ROBERT BENJAMIN ordered that the two children, who are girls aged 8 and 10, spend weekends with their father.
Eldest daughter is afraid.
To facilitate the father's rights, JUDGE ROBERT BENJAMIN orders that:
1. the girls sleep in the same bedroom (to "support" each other), and
2. the father place a lock on the bedroom door for the girls
3. the father have an adult friend stay overnight when the girls are present
Additionally, some UNNAMED Family Court counselor has stated that the girls don't pose a risk to the father, at their current ages, when they are awake, clothed, and together.
How considerate.
Think I'm kidding? See article here.

A summary of the rights under the Convention on the Rights of the Child
Article 3 (Best interests of the child): The best interests of children must be the primary concern in making decisions that may affect them. All adults should do what is best for children. When adults make decisions, they should think about how their decisions will affect children. This particularly applies to budget, policy and law makers.
Article 4 (Protection of rights): Governments have a responsibility to take all available measures to make sure children’s rights are respected, protected and fulfilled. When countries ratify the Convention, they agree to review their laws relating to children. This involves assessing their social services, legal, health and educational systems, as well as levels of funding for these services. Governments are then obliged to take all necessary steps to ensure that the minimum standards set by the Convention in these areas are being met. They must help families protect children’s rights and create an environment where they can grow and reach their potential. In some instances, this may involve changing existing laws or creating new ones. Such legislative changes are not imposed, but come about through the same process by which any law is created or reformed within a country. Article 41 of the Convention points out the when a country already has higher legal standards than those seen in the Convention, the higher standards always prevail.
Article 5 (Parental guidance): Governments should respect the rights and responsibilities of families to direct and guide their children so that, as they grow, they learn to use their rights properly. Helping children to understand their rights does not mean pushing them to make choices with consequences that they are too young to handle. Article 5 encourages parents to deal with rights issues "in a manner consistent with the evolving capacities of the child". The Convention does not take responsibility for children away from their parents and give more authority to governments. It does place on governments the responsibility to protect and assist families in fulfilling their essential role as nurturers of children.
Article 6 (Survival and development): Children have the right to live. Governments should ensure that children survive and develop healthily.
Article 9 (Separation from parents): Children have the right to live with their parent(s), unless it is bad for them. Children whose parents do not live together have the right to stay in contact with both parents, unless this might hurt the child.
Article 12 (Respect for the views of the child): When adults are making decisions that affect children, children have the right to say what they think should happen and have their opinions taken into account. This does not mean that children can now tell their parents what to do. This Convention encourages adults to listen to the opinions of children and involve them in decision-making -- not give children authority over adults. Article 12 does not interfere with parents' right and responsibility to express their views on matters affecting their children. Moreover, the Convention recognizes that the level of a child’s participation in decisions must be appropriate to the child's level of maturity. Children's ability to form and express their opinions develops with age and most adults will naturally give the views of teenagers greater weight than those of a preschooler, whether in family, legal or administrative decisions.
Article 19 (Protection from all forms of violence): Children have the right to be protected from being hurt and mistreated, physically or mentally. Governments should ensure that children are properly cared for and protect them from violence, abuse and neglect by their parents, or anyone else who looks after them. In terms of discipline, the Convention does not specify what forms of punishment parents should use. However any form of discipline involving violence is unacceptable. There are ways to discipline children that are effective in helping children learn about family and social expectations for their behaviour – ones that are non-violent, are appropriate to the child's level of development and take the best interests of the child into consideration. In most countries, laws already define what sorts of punishments are considered excessive or abusive. It is up to each government to review these laws in light of the Convention.
Article 34 (Sexual exploitation): Governments should protect children from all forms of sexual exploitation and abuse. This provision in the Convention is augmented by the Optional Protocol on the sale of children, child prostitution and child pornography.
Article 36 (Other forms of exploitation): Children should be protected from any activity that takes advantage of them or could harm their welfare and development.
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This case is one of many, internationally, involving fathers' rights to their children. We can't all be lying.

In the words of Judge Robert Lemkau (California):
And you have an ex parte request calendared for tomorrow which I am advancing today. One of you is lying, and I am very concerned...
...I am inclined to deny you ex parte request. I feel that, if you're lying, there's going to be adverse consequences...
...I'm denying your request, ma'am. I think— there's insufficient evidence in my mind...
...Well, ma'am, there's a real dispute about whether that's even true or not...
...I'm going to deny it, ma'am. My suspicion is that you're lying, but I'm going to keep the custody orders in full force and effect...
...I reviewed it and that's why I'm -- my supposition, ma'am, is that you're lying, but if I'm incorrect, you can always bring another ex parte motion but don't misrepresent the situation. If you're lying about this, there's going to be adverse consequences. My supposition is that you are lying...

Randi James: Children Have A Right to A Relationship with Their Father. I'd Like to Thank Judge Robert Benjamin on Behalf of the U.N.

Fathers Rights Naked Video

Seed Newsvine

Why Are They Dead?

The Family Courts around the world are sentencing our children to death, by enforcing visitations and custody with abusive parents.  This site not only provides research about this ever growing problem but is also a tribute to those that have bee killed at the hands of their abuser because of court orders.

Below is an excerpt from Family Court Murders 

The Untied Nations definition of Genocide set out in the Convention on Genocide is:

Article 2

In the present Convention, genocide means any of the following acts committed with intent to destroy, in whole or in part, a national, ethnical, racial or religious group, as such:

(a) Killing members of the group;

(b) Causing serious bodily or mental harm to members of the group;

(c) Deliberately inflicting on the group conditions of life calculated to bring about its physical destruction in whole or in part;

(d) Imposing measures intended to prevent births within the group;

(e) Forcibly transferring children of the group to another group.

In the news, it is common to see these murders blamed on the economy or the stress associated with divorce.

Unless you are a keen researcher, you are not privy to knowing what academics and even the UN knew for years

A silent but deadly genocide against women and children where authorities have had many opportunities to eliminate the root cause, but chose not to.

In every case these deaths are a result of child custody disputes where the court knows of a violent history, but decides to gamble with their lives for the sake of "fathers rights".

Shared Parenting with an abuser is like playing Russian Roulette

I came across this and it really hit me...this IS what shared parenting is like.  With all of the murder-suicides that have happened this year and with so many abusive fathers killing their kids...this is it...

If you aren't convinced please start following these blogs:

Dastardly Dads     The Shared Parenting Disaster  

Intimate and Domestic Violence Homicides in the News

I have always been told that a picture is worth a 1000 words.  In this case I do hope this makes someone (hell even several someone’s) open their eyes and SEE why child around the world are dying daily!

Is America really this gullible? Parental Alienation Syndrome

 

From RightsForMothers.com 

Parental Alienation Syndrome: How Gullible Are We?

Up for inclusion in the new DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the most widely used psychiatric reference in the world) is the so-called “Parental Alienation Syndrome,” a syndrome invented by the pedophile-loving psychologist Dr. Richard Gardner, who committed suicide eventually.  Also up for inclusion again is making women’s menstrual cycles a psychiatric syndrome. Geezzzzz.

Money-grubbing nutcase lawyers and/or psychologists (in some cases they have both degrees!) work to get these so-called syndromes included so they can use them as a basis for taking children from protective parents (and make more money).  They use this twisted science as a basis for their claims…just how gullible do they think we all are?  Apparently many judges are, and the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges are trying to correct this: see Family Courts are Warned They Should Not Accept So-called “Parental Alienation Syndrome”.

Here is a good example of how gullible people can be when you start throwing out so-called “scientific claims”:

Dihydrogen Monoxide

A student at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical “dihydrogen monoxide.”

And for plenty of good reasons, since:

1. it can cause excessive sweating and vomiting 2. it is a major component in acid rain 3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state 4. accidental inhalation can kill you 5. it contributes to erosion 6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes 7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients

He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.

Forty-three (43) said yes, six (6) were undecided, and only one (1) knew that the chemical was actually just plain old water.

The title of his prize winning project was, “How Gullible Are We?”

He feels the conclusion is obvious.

http://www.snopes.com/science/dhmo.asp

Abuse: Maternal Deprivation

 

Maternal Deprivation Abuse

Victims of domestic violence suffer physical and emotional trauma at the hands of their abusers. Some don’t escape these relationships alive. But even for those who are fortunate enough to get out with their lives, their ordeal isn’t necessarily over. In many cases their tormentors still pose a threat to them and their children. And as they try to protect themselves and their loved ones they are often victimized again; this time by the very legal system they thought would provide them with justice and a safety net.

There are way too many horror stories out there about how these vulnerable women are subjected to even more abuse as they go through the system. And one of the most troublesome scenarios is when the courts issue a ruling that removes their children from them, sometimes awarding custody to the abuser.

On the Juror Thirteen show on August 26 we’ll talk about this problem with three women who can speak from personal experience. Advocate and author Susan Murphy-Milano, and Janice Levinson and Claudine Dombrowski of the Protective Mothers Alliance will discuss what mothers can do to bring about change in the treatment of protective mothers and their children in family court proceedings. All three have lost children to maternal deprivation abuse.

You can hear the show beginning at 9 pm Eastern at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/dennisngriffin. Your questions or comments can be called in by phone or made through the show’s chat room.

Google, the gender confused search engine

 

Imagine a mom who has just had her kids removed from her care by a family court judge who gave them to the father that abused her and her children.  Imagine if you will how she would feel when she starts searching on the internet for a way to help her kids and she first tries searching for “child custody rights” and up pops all these father’s rights sites.  Does this mean that her children have no rights, that only the father does?  She gives up on that avenue of searching and searched for “motherless statistics gov” and Google then asks:  “Did you mean: fatherless statistics gov”.  Does this mean that this mom has no rights or stats or anything that she may turn to in order to protect her kids, or does it mean that the family courts in this country have taken over our search engines as well as the ability of the mother to protect her kids?

 

From Father’s Rights Movement Naked (thanks girls, this is funny, sad and pathetic at the same time…you gals did a good job):

Sunday, August 23, 2009

The FR Google Conspiracy

Abusers Awareness Day!!

Thanks Anonymums for the great graphic!

Father’s Rights groups ran wild trying to get our governors to proclaim today “Parental Alienation Awareness Day.” Of the few governors that signed, I believe most were duped about this claim often used by abusive parents, being such an easy online process for the most part. One state even states on their website when applying for a proclamation:

“Issuance of a proclamation does not constitute an endorsement by the Governor.”

Good try guys. People are learning the truth of the “Parental Alienation” scam meant to support the Whores of the Court by the abusers who hire them. Your cult even had to run to Canada to hold a conference on this.

The National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges discredited the theory. It stated:

The discredited “diagnosis” of “PAS” (or allegation of “parental alienation”), quite apart from its scientific invalidity, inappropriately asks the court to assume that the children’s behaviors and attitudes toward the parent who claims to be “alienated” have no grounding in reality. It also diverts attention away from the behaviors of the abusive parent, who may have directly influenced the children’s responses by acting in violent, disrespectful, intimidating, humiliating and/or discrediting ways toward the children themselves, or the children’s other parent.

Yes, they really did report this. Family court judges should be made to read this! See Page 24 of the report below.

Navigating Custody & Visitation Evaluations in Cases with Domestic Violence: A Judge’s Guide by Clare Dalton LLM, et.al., please click here.

Are good fathers sucked in by this? You betcha. With all due respect to several fathers who respectfully comment here, you guys have been duped too. Call it what it is….if your child has been turned from you, don’t allow someone to label it parental alienation, call it what it is….parental kidnapping, parent-bashing, whatever. Call it what it is.