Showing posts with label custody battle. Show all posts
Showing posts with label custody battle. Show all posts

13 March 2012

How to Help a Friend: Cash Raised for Woman in Custody Fight

Many of us sit and ponder how can we help a friend that is going through a situation like the one described below.  What her friends did for her is a good place to start if you know someone going through a bad custody case.  Parents facing this, especially when having to fight an abuser for custody, still need the emotional understanding and support of their friends and family; however they need some financial help to pay for the lawyers and visits and and and as well.

 

Cash raised for woman in custody fight

Updated: Sunday, 11 Mar 2012, 12:22 PM CDT
Published : Sunday, 11 Mar 2012, 12:22 PM CDT

  • VIRGINIA BLACK,South Bend Tribune

VIRGINIA BLACK,South Bend Tribune - SOUTH BEND, Ind. (AP) — As Marla Theocharides has spent the last several days across the world fighting to spend time with her two children, friends back home have been quietly going about the business of helping her cope.

They are …

20 June 2010

Abuse Survivor Speaking Out

We found this at Tailored Life Coaching, the link to her post is:  http://tailoredlifecoaching.blogspot.com/2010/06/survivor-story-survivor-and-kids-still.html 

This story was emailed to me to post here to help raise awareness to the issues that victims of domestic violence face.

THIS IS MY STORY...

ON DECEMBER 27, 2007 MY EX CAME HOME AROUND 6 AM DRUNK.  HE ACCUSED ME OF HAVING SOMEONE IN HIS HOUSE THAT DID NOT BELONG.  AT THAT POINT HE SWUNG AT ME, AND HIT ME IN THE SIDE OF MY FACE.  MY BEST FRIEND WAS SITTING ON THE COUCH, AND HE TURNED TO HER AND SAID 'YOU WANT SOME TOO BITCH?'  SHE RAN.  WHEN SHE REACHED HER CAR AND LOCKED HERSELF IN, SHE CALLED 911.  I WAS STILL IN THE HOUSE, TAKING MY BEATING.  WHEN THE POLICE SHOWED UP, IT WAS OBVIOUS THERE HAD BEEN A STRUGGLE. SHELVES HAD BEEN KNOCKED ONTO THE FLOOR, WHEN MY HEAD HIT THEM. MY GLASS COFFEE TABLE WAS SHATTERED. MY FACE WAS BADLY BRUISED. THEY DID NOT TAKE PICTURES. THEY ALMOST LET HIM GO, BECAUSE HE CONTINUOUSLY BEGGED ME NOT TO 'LIE' TO THE POLICE, AND TO PLEASE NOT TO THIS TO HIM.  MY KIDS WERE AT HOME. THEY WERE STILL ASLEEP. I BEGGED OFFICERS TO TAKE HIM AWAY. THIS WAS NOT MY FIRST BEATING...AND MY BABIES WERE MORE IMPORTANT.  I SAW THIS AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO SAVE MY CHILDREN, AND MYSELF, FOR THIS WAS NOT THE FIRST...OR THE LAST BEATING.  THE FOLLOWING WEEKEND, MY DOOR WAS KICKED IN 3 NIGHTS IN A ROW. THE WEEK AFTER THAT, HE FOUND ME AT A BIRTHDAY PARTY, AND GAVE ME THE MOST BRUTAL BEATING YET. HE VIOLATED A PFA, AND NOTHING WAS DONE ABOUT IT. THERE WERE NO "EYEWITNESSES" TO THE BEATING. THE WEEK AFTER THAT MY WINDSHIELD WAS BUSTED OUT OF MY CAR.  I DECIDED THIS NEEDED TO END, AND I WENT INTO HIDING, AND STARTED TO RUN. HE WOULD FIND ME, AND BEG.  I WOULD STAND MY GRAND, HE WOULD ATTEMPT SUICIDE. THE LAST SUICIDE ATTEMPT HE SHOWED UP WHERE I LIVED, AND SWALLOWED AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF PILLS IN FRONT OF ME...I JUST LOOKED AT HIM AND SAID "I HOPE YOU'RE NOT EXPECTING ME TO CALL AN AMBULANCE, IM NOT GOING TO", THAT TIME HE ACTUALLY LEFT...I WENT BACK TO SLEEP....

WE DIDN'T HEAR FROM HIM AGAIN, PHONE CALLS HERE AND THERE CUT SHORT.  WE LET HIM SEE THE GIRLS ONCE OR TWICE, SUPERVISED ONLY...AND THEN THE CALLS AND CONTACT STOPPED. FOR 8 MONTHS, BECAUSE IN FRONT OF HIS MOTHER, HE SLAPPED MY 3 YR OLD BABY IN THE FACE AND CALLED HER WHITE TRASH WHILE DROPPING THEM OFF...IT ENDED THERE. MEMORIAL WEEKEND 2009.

OCTOBER 2, 2009

HE WAS FOUND IN CONTEMPT OF COURT FOR NON PAYMENT OF CHILD SUPPORT. HE WAS GIVEN A 6 MONTH SUSPENDED SENTENCE.  AFTER 2 YEARS OF NONPAYMENT, HE IS ALLOWED 3 MORE MONTHS TO ATTEMPT, OR GO TO JAIL JAN. 11, 2010. I HAVE STILL RECEIVED NO PAYMENTS.

OCTOBER 20, 2009

MY MOTHER DROPS MY KIDS OFF, FOR UNKNOWN REASONS WITH HIS PARENTS....THE MINUTE MY CHILDREN STEP FOOT INTO THEIR HOUSE...SRS IS CALLED.  THE ALLEGATIONS ARE CHILD ABUSE/NEGLECT, DUE TO A "KNOT" ON ONE'S FOREHEAD, AND THE OTHER'S "BLACK EYE".  SRS CONTACTS ME, AND I EXPLAIN...WE WERE AT A FRIEND'S HOUSE, WHO HAS 2 OLDER CHILDREN.  THEY WERE PLAYING ON BUNKBEDS AND HEADBUTTED EACH OTHER AT SOME POINT. THEY ARE KIDS...AFTER GETTING OFF THE PHONE WITH SRS, I RECEIVE A PHONE CALL FROM HIS PARENT'S "COME PICK THESE KIDS UP, I HAVE PLANS, AND THEY ARE TOO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE".  CONSIDERING THEY ARE MINE, AND WERE TAKEN THERE WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE, SURE THAT'S FINE...

OR SO I THOUGHT...

THE CASEWORKER ON THE CASE DOING THE "INVESTIGATION", TELLS ME I AM "MINIMIZING" THE SITUATION. SHE BELIEVES MY HUSBAND IS ABUSING ME AND THE CHILDREN, AND I AM TOO AFRAID TO COME FORWARD. SHE HAS "SEVERAL STATEMENTS" FROM PEOPLE "CLOSE" TO US TO BACK THIS UP...FINALLY I TELL HER, I WILL NOT SPEAK TO HER ANYMORE WITHOUT PRESENCE OF AN ATTORNEY.  SHE CONTINUOUSLY MAKES ME TO BELIEVE MY OWN FAMILY IS OUT TO GET ME, EVEN MY OWN MOTHER. I DON'T KNOW WHO TO TRUST, SO I QUIT TALKING TO ANYONE INVOLVED IN THE CASE.  THIS WOMAN OFFERED A FEW FAMILY MEMBER'S MONEY, MONTHLY, TO TAKE MY CHILDREN. SHE OFFERED TO PAY FOR CHILDCARE, TO TAKE MY CHILDREN.  SHE STATED TO ME SHE "DID NOT BELIEVE, I OR MY EX SHOULD HAVE OUR CHILDREN."  THEN SHE DID THE MOST HORRIBLE THING POSSIBLE...SHE GAVE THE EX, MY ADDRESS, MY PHONE NUMBER, MY EMPLOYER INFO, AND CONTACT NUMBERS BELONGING TO MY FAMILY.  HE HAD ABSOLUTELY NONE OF THIS INFORMATION TO BEGIN WITH. SRS PUT ME AND MY FAMILY, IN DIRECT DANGER, WITH A MAN WHO HAD ALREADY BEEN CHARGED AND CONVICTED, FOR BEATING ME. THE EXACT PEOPLE, WHO ARE SPECIFICALLY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING TO PROTECT MY CHILDREN...PUT MY CHILDREN AND MYSELF'S LIVES AT RISK...THEY GOT AWAY WITH IT...AND STILL ARE!

DECEMBER 2. 2009

A LETTER COMES IN THE MAIL FROM SRS. THE CASEWORKER ADVISES THAT SHE "EMPATHIZES" WITH MY SITUATION, AND HAD RECEIVED THE LETTER I WROTE HER.  WHILE I HAVE THE RIGHT TO MY OPINION, SHE HAS SEVERAL FACTS AND STATEMENTS BACKING UP WHAT SHE "BELIEVES" IS GOING ON. DESPITE HER FACTS AND EVIDENCE, SHE WILL BE CLOSING MY CASE SOON.  SHE ALSO ADVISES ME THAT IF THERE ARE ANY FURTHER REPORTS IN THE FUTURE, MY CHILDREN WILL BE AT RISK FOR REMOVAL FROM MY HOME....LATER ON THAT DAY....WHILE DOING LAUNDRY, I TELL THE KIDS TO STOP JUMPING ON THE BED...OF COURSE MY HANDS ARE FULL, AND THEY DO NOT LISTEN. NOT 2 MINUTES LATER, THEY ARE BOTH CRYING.  I GO INTO THE ROOM, MY 3 YEAR OLD STOPS CYRING, BUT MY 2 YEAR OLD SAY SHE IS HURT.  WHEN ASKING HER WHERE IT HURTS, SHE POINTS TO HER FOOT, HER LEG, HER HAND, AND HER ARM.  I FIGURE SHE IS JUST TIRED, AND TELL THEM TO LAY DOWN FOR NAP TIME.  WE HAVE ORIENTATION FOR SCHOOL, SO WE CALL A SITTER WHILE THEY ARE STILL ASLEEP, AND LEAVE.  THE SITTER CALLS MID-ORIENTATION STATING SHE THINKS MY 2 YEAR OLD'S ARM OR SHOULDER IS HURT.  WE COME HOME AND SURE ENOUGH, SHE SEEMS TO BE IN A LOT OF PAIN.  I CALL OUR FAMILY DOCTOR, AND HE IS WORKING ER AND SAYS TO BRING HER IN. AFTER BEING ASSESSED AND EVALUATED IT IS DETERMINED HER COLLAR BONE IS BROKEN, BUT IS A VERY COMMON FRACTURE....

DECEMBER 4, 2009

I RECEIVE YET ANOTHER CALL FROM THE CASEWORKER.  QUESTIONING ME ON THE INJURY MY DAUGHTER RECEIVED 2 DAYS BEFORE. I EXPLAIN TO HER WHAT HAPPENED, AND SHE ADVISES THE CASE WILL NO LONGER BE CLOSING DUE TO HER "NEW" INTAKE AND REPORT.  SHE TELLS ME SHE NEEDS TO "INTERVIEW" THE GIRLS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.  I HANG UP. WHILE AT A FRIENDS HOUSE LATER ON THAT DAY, MY LANDLORD CALLS. HE IS VERY UPSET, AND ADVISES ME HE LET THE WPD IN TO SEARCH MY HOME, AND THEY ARE LOOKING FOR MY CHILDREN.  IN SHOCK, I CALL MY MOTHER TO WATCH THE CHILDREN SO I CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT IS GOING ON.  THE MINUTE WE GET TO THE HOUSE, THE WPD CALLS AND SAYS "NOBODY IS IN TROUBLE, WE JUST NEED YOU TO SIGN SOME PAPERWORK".  10 MINUTES LATER THEY SHOW UP WITH AN ORDER FOR PROTECTION. AT THIS POINT THEY NOTIFY ME, THEY HAVE ALREADY TAKEN MY CHILDREN INTO CUSTODY, AND RELEASE THEM TO THEIR FATHER.(THE ABUSER)  OVERCOME WITH EMOTIONS I AM SO HYSTERICAL I CAN'T EVEN SPEAK....THIS IS FRIDAY EVENING...THE COURT HOUSE IS CLOSED...THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO, AND MY CHILDREN HAVE BEEN ENDANGERED. NEXT YOU WILL READ AN ARTICLE WRITTEN BY A DEAR FRIEND IN REFERENCE TO ME.

Sedgwick County 18th Judicial Court

Judge Jeff Syrios

Judge Syrios gave custody and granted a protection order of two small children to a convicted domestic violence criminal and the children who are aged 2 & 3 years old, were picked up on friday, 12/4/09, by the Wichita police and transported to an unknown location and the mother still has no idea where her children are. The mother of the little children went to see Judge Syrios today, 12/7/09,  to explain the father's past and criminal conviction, father is suicidal, lives in a halfway house, and that these children are in danger, but Judge Syrios would not release the children back to the mother.

This father had other children from a previous relationship and his parental rights were severed in this same jurisdiction, here in Sedgwick County.

Mother had been investigated because one of the children had fallen and broke their coller bone. This was cleared by two medical physicians who noted that this was an accident. But now since father filed a protection order, the SRS is involved again which looks more like SRS is working for this convicted criminal.

DECEMBER 7, 2009

ME AND MY HUSBAND HEAD TO THE COURTHOUSE, TO SEE IF THERE IS ANYONE TO GET MY GIRLS BACK.  OUR FIRST STOP IS THE PFA OFFICE.(WE THOUGHT THEY COULD ASSIST IN PROTECTING US) NO LUCK. THEY BASICALLY SAY, SORRY HE HAS TO BEAT YOU AGAIN, AND THEN WE CAN PROTECT YOU.  THEY ARE ALSO MADE AWARE OF THE PFA FILED BY THE EX.  AGAIN, SORRY, THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO, HE RAISED HIS HAND AND SWORE THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH, SO HE MUST HAVE BEEN TELLING THE TRUTH...BLAH BLAH BLAH.  NEXT STOP DISTRICT ATTORNEY NOLA FOULSTON'S OFFICE...AGAIN...NOTHING.  NEXT STOP, THE JUDGE'S CHAMBERS. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THE JUDGE SPEAKS TO US. HE IS INFORMED OF THE ENTIRE SITUATION, BUT STATES ALL HE CAN DO IS MOVE THE HEARING DATE UP, AND WE CAN BE SEEN IN 3 DAYS....THIS IS BECAUSE ONCE AGAIN, SRS IS INVOLVED.  APPARENTLY HE CALLED THE CASEWORKER ASSIGNED TO THE CASE, AND LOW AND BEHOLD SHE TOLD HIM SHE "RECOMMENDED" THEY STAY WHERE THEY ARE AT.  WE WERE TOLD THEY ARE "FED, CLOTHED, CLEAN AND SAFE" AND "NOT TO WORRY, JUST SHOW UP FOR COURT"....

DECEMBER 10, 2009

PFA COURT.  AFTER ABOUT 4 HOURS OF SITTING AND WAITING, OUR CASE IS FINALLY HEARD BEFORE A JUDGE.  ON THE PLAINTIFF SIDE, ABUSE ALLEGATIONS ARE MADE, MEDICAL RECORDS ARE PRODUCED, AND TESTIMONY IS MADE BY HIM AND HIS MOTHER.  THEY DUG A PRETTY DEEP HOLE ON THEIR ON, AND CONTRADICTED THEMSELVES MANY TIMES.  THE ISSUE OF SRS GIVING THEM MY PERSONAL INFORMATION COMES UP, AND IS NOT CONTESTED BY EITHER.(INTERESTING HUH)  THE REAL KICKER...PART OF THEIR DEFENSE CONSISTS OF A LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION FROM THE SRS CASEWORKER, INVESTIGATING OUR CASE....FAXED FROM THE SRS CASEWORKER TO THE FAMILY COURT TRUSTEE....MORE PRIVATE INFORMATION BEING PASSED AROUND.  NEEDLESS TO SAY AFTER 2 JUDGES HAVE REVIEWED THE EVIDENCE, EVERYTHING GETS DROPPED....AT LEAST UNTIL SRS DECIDES TO STEP IN, OR CUSTODY COURT ON DECEMBER 21ST.  THE JUDGE ALSO ORDER A CHILD CUSTODY INVESTIGATION TO TAKE PART BEFORE COURT ON THE 21ST...BUT I AM ALLOWED TO PICK UP MY CHILDREN DIRECTLY AFTER COURT....AND AT THIS POINT...DEC. 10TH...THEY ARE IN MY HOME. SAFE. LOVED. AND SECURE.  THE JUDGES AND FAMILY COURTS WILL STILL NOT PROVIDE ME WITH A PFA. UPON ARRIVING AT HOME, MY 3 YR OLD LOOKS ME IN THE EYES, AND SAYS "IF YOU ARE MEAN TO "TROY", HE IS GOING TO BEAT YOU REALLY BADLY."  I ASSUME THIS MESSAGE WAS SENT THROUGH HER, DUE TO THE NO CONTACT ORDER IN PLACE....I AM PUBLIC WITH MY STORY, BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT THIS TO HAPPEN TO ANYONE ELSE.  I THINK SOMETHING DEFINITELY NEEDS TO BE CHANGED OR FIGURED OUT.  THESE ARE CHILDREN, NOT PAYCHECKS.  IT IS OUR GOD GIVEN RIGHT TO BE A PARENT.  WE ARE NOT EVEN GIVEN A CHANCE TO DEFEND OURSELVES AGAINST THE ALLEGATIONS MADE.  ONCE A  REPORT IS RECEIVED, WE ARE GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT.  OUR RIGHTS AS HUMANS ARE BEING VIOLATED. THIS HAS GOT TO END.  OUR STORIES NEED TO BE HEARD, AND NOT FILED AWAY.  THIS IS TRAUMATIZING OUR CHILDREN, AND THEY ARE NOT GIVING THEM A CHANCE.  THEY ARE DESTROYING OUR KIDS, AND EVERYONE BUT THE MOTHER'S AND/OR FATHER'S ARE THE ONLY ONE'S WORRYING ABOUT PROTECTING THEM.  MY CASEWORKER NEARLY SIGNED MY DEATH WARRANT, BY GIVING OUT VITAL INFORMATION TO MY PERPETRATOR.  NOT ONLY THAT, BUT IS BASICALLY HOLDING HIS HAND THROUGH THE PROCESS.....IS THIS JUSTICE? IS THIS HOW THE SYSTEM IS SUPPOSED TO WORK?

tailored life coaching




28 January 2010

The Mothers Not Found in the Media- (the author/mother was silenced) « A Human Rights Issue-Custodial Justice

I found the below on A Human Rights Issue-Custodial Justice

 

Looks like she’s still silenced. The page is gone and her blog is empty. (but we have the article) Hang in there Julie- they CAN’T Silence us all!

The Mothers Not Found in the Media

by JULIE LEVINE

Mrs. Tiger Woods, Mrs. Aaron Spelling, Ms. Britney Spears, even our first lady, Mrs. Obama ….all mothers that you can read about on an almost weekly basis. The media loves to cover them and to expose them. Whether they like it or not.

The media does not cover the women who have lost custody battles to perpetrators of domestic violence. Their abusers are almost never exposed. The children in these cases are damaged, their lives stained forever. Over and over again, these children are torn from the arms of a loving parent-their mothers.

When will you read of Debbie, Rachel, Susan, Maria, and hundreds of others who have lost their children in a court system that enables such injustice? Probably never. And the silence is breaking them.

In our judicial system of today, powerful men, dominating men, are able to use the court system as a weapon. Tragically, they are able to use their children as ammunition. The media doesn’t know the women that have fallen victims to our courts. We should read about the personal enfolding of celebrity moms, professional athletes’ spouses, and other characters that are deemed of high interest to the public. Or so they say. When do we read of the other mothers?

No one wants to report on the woman whose husband repeatedly raped his 5 year old daughter. That man was then given sole custody of the young girl, as the woman could not fight the court battle laid out before her. Who would want to read of the woman whose husband broke every bone in her face, over a period of years? He was then given custody of the children who witnessed this horror.

In another case, a forensic psychologist stated that he was of the professional opinion that two boys had observed their father being psychologically and physically abusive towards their mother. Documentation regarding physical abuse of the mother was evidenced. Then the judge deciding this particular custody dispute awarded sole custody of the two boys to the father.

When this woman sought safety prior to the divorce dispute, her husband warned her that she would never see her children again. After custody was "awarded" to this male perpetrator, the mother never had a relationship with her sons again. A judge looked her in the eye and told her that just because her husband had raped and beaten her, it did not mean he couldn’t be a good father.

Not understanding any of the court’s instructions, she contacted newspapers, radio stations, and magazines. In our wonderful United States of America, there was not a single reporter that would come to her aid. No one wanted to speak of her story, her life….It was her own, never to be shared.

Until now.

It happened to me.

In our country that promises protection and justice, judges are awarding custody to men with violent histories. Women that have made their children a priority, are left childless. Many times, these women turn to the media for assistance…only to be turned away.

These are the mothers not found in the media. Reporters refuse to reply to coverage requests, as judges are never held accountable for their poor and damaging decisions. If these cases are told to the public, how are they remedied? Perhaps this is why reporters run from such stories. Rather than ignore such tragedies, it seems that finding an answer would be a much better conclusion.

In order for there to be a solution to many of these horror stories, the stories themselves must be told. Bullied and emotionally battered by judicial figureheads, the mothers not mentioned in the media must be heard. They need a voice. We need a voice.

If you are reading these words, that proves there is hope. It says things can get a little bit better. This is all being told from a mother who lost her children in a court of law to the abuser; from a mother not found in the media.

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The Mothers Not Found in the Media- (the author/mother was silenced) « A Human Rights Issue-Custodial Justice

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16 January 2010

“If I Killed You, I’d Get The Kids”: Women’s Survival, Child Custody, and Abuse « RightsForMothers.com

From:  http://justice4mothers.wordpress.com/2009/08/28/if-i-killed-you-id-get-the-kids-womens-survival-child-custody-and-abuse-by-men/

August 28, 2009

“If I Killed You, I’d Get The Kids”: Women’s Survival, Child Custody, and Abuse

Filed under: Child Custody, Child Custody Battle, Domestic Abuse, Domestic Relations, Domestic Violence, Family Court Reform, Family Courts, Family Rights, Human Rights, Husbands who murder wives, Intimate Partner Assault, Murdered Mothers, Parental Alienation Syndrome, parental alienation — justice4mothers @ 11:16 am

Here is an important paper by Colleen Varcoe and Lori G. Irwin titled “If I Killed You, I’d Get the Kids”: Women’s Survival and Protection Work with Child Custody and Access in the Context of Woman Abuse.” I am constantly amazed by men’s rights advocates, father’s rights folks and shared parenting people that “claims” of abuse by women in a relationship are generally false when so there so many women and children dying. They want to make it a “women’s” or “feminist” issue, when it is really a human rights issue. They try and draw the attention away from all the abusive fathers getting custody of children from moms with claims of so-called “parental alienation syndrome” and claim that it is the “radical” women’s groups that are debunking it. I find that interesting and their credibility lacking if they call the American Judge’s Association, the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges, the American Medical Association, the American Psychological Association, and the National District Attorney’s Association “radical women’s groups.” They have all discredited claims of “parental alienation” and “parental alienation syndrome.”

Here is an except of Varcoe’s and Irwins’s paper:

Child custody and access was the central concern for women with children who participated in Project Violence Free (PVF), a three-year study of formal systems’ (criminal justice, social assistance, and health care) responses to abuse by intimate partners. Although we proposed to study women’s experience with these specific “systems,” the women saw their experiences as similar across services, and talked about “the system” as a monolithic entity. The overarching theme identified through analysis of interview and documentary evidence from the women was that women struggle continuously to limit the violence in their lives and to “make the system work.” We identified four critical sites in which women did most of this work.

For all the women, economic survival was a central part of their struggle. For most women, seeking protection, particularly, but not exclusively, from the justice system, was part of their experience. For women new to Canada, working with issues of immigration overshadowed their other efforts. For the women with children, issues of child custody and access dominated and shaped their experiences.

This article focuses on child custody and access as one of the sites of women’s work in dealing with intimate partner violence. It is based on interview data from the women who were mothers and focus group data from service providers who work with such women as background. The interviews revealed a pervasive tension between obligations to maintain contact between children and their fathers, and obligations to protect children from harm. The purpose of this article is to describe how women work to negotiate formal systems in relation to child custody and access in the context of woman abuse, and how aspects of such systems are problematic. Our argument is that child custody and access processes provide opportunities for abusive partners to exert power and control over their partners and children, and that these opportunities are often supported by policies and practices of service providers.

To read the rest of “If I Killed You, I’d Get the Kids”: Women’s Survival and Protection Work with Child Custody and Access in the Context of Woman Abuse” by Colleen Varcoe and Lori G. Irwin, please click here.

“If I Killed You, I’d Get The Kids”: Women’s Survival, Child Custody, and Abuse « RightsForMothers.com




21 December 2009

UPDATE: Dombrowski Case: Trial set January 8th, 2010 (The Murder of Motherhood)

 

December 18, 2009 -- Quick Publish to just update, will delve further as I can, Thank you my dear friends and family,

(To the Perpetrator and his many many attorneys and the dea Judge who is monitoring the ww for any activity relating to this case!)I will not shut up, give up and I WILL NOT GO AWAY!

Sin Denied Telling All; Reminding Others of Morals

UPDATE: Dombrowski Case:

SN. CO. Case No. 96-D-217

December 16, 2009

“ We walked into Court and Jason P Hoffman  one’ of Attorney’s for the Perpetrator  came with a two inch stack of ‘contempt’ papers (to clean up the internet)  I still do not have copy of the recent contempt’s not allowed to have  (as with GAL and FOC’s private reports) as I turn them all over to be published.

The current ‘claim’ remains – is I STILL  have ‘ alleged images’ of my daughter (now why would I want images of my child and my dead mom?) But are actually ‘court documents’ and several  media appearances’ most recently on Domestic Violence.

Not to mention that Kansas is at an all time record high in DV Fatalities in TWO DECADES with State Warnings and the Media and Senate Hearings Testimonies on the Kansas Joint Committee on Children’s Issues.”

KansasWatchDog: Video

and Audio Testimonies:

Claudine Dombrowski: An abused mom victimized again by the Kansas Courts

The bottom line is this:

1. I am NOT a threat to my daughter nor have I ever been alleged to be a threat to my daughter unlike that of the well documented HX of violence of the perpetrator.

2. Under K.S.A 60-1616:  Unless AFTER hearing- showing that I am a threat or harm to my daughter- The Courts can not deny our parenting time- (as they have this past ten years)  DV by Proxy and other Court Whores that Profit.

Like my daughters Guardian ad Litem GAL  M. Jill Dykes, Topeka Kansas Bottom dweller and blood profiteer of children. and we shant forget the ‘good judge himself’ Judge ‘death’ David Debenham Who one year ago denied my daughter the right to go to her Grandmothers funeral.

So………..

We kill off Granny, now a year later, time to finish off mom? I think not!!

The  ‘Best interest of the Perpetrators’ remains quite clear. Domestic Violence by Proxy

Domestic Violence (DV) by Proxy: Terrorist Tactics Employed by Batterers

Click Here to View Full Size

In the below is a recent appellate court opinion where this statute was upheld and remanded back down to the lower courts, for error in denying parenting time and or ‘conditioned’ parenting time.

So, on Jan 8, 2010 ‘charge us or release us’- Habeas Corpus, find me a threat to my daughter or sever my (alleged) rights under the law. (the only piece of paper they have NOT done)

Media and testimonies to the Kansas Senate does NOT make me a Threat or danger to my child.

“ I am tired this is draining to do- so I will publish now- and update as possible.” I Love you my Mother and my daughter- “ Don’t Give up”

K.S.A. 2004 Supp. 60-1616(a), a parent has a right to reasonable parenting time unless the trial court finds, after a hearing, that the exercise of parenting time would seriously endanger the child’s physical, mental, moral, or emotional health. K.S.A. 2004 Supp. 60-1616(a) creates a rebuttable presumption that a parent is entitled to reasonable parenting time and visitation. This presumption may be rebutted if, after a hearing, the trial court finds that the exercise of parenting time would seriously endanger the child’s physical, mental, moral, or emotional health.

http://www.kscourts.org/Cases-and-Opinions/opinions/ctapp/2005/20050916/93450.htm

SYLLABUS BY THE COURT

No. 93,450

IN THE COURT OF APPEALS OF THE STATE OF KANSAS

In the Matter of the Marriage of

JANET BOULEY, f/k/a KIMBRELL,

Appellee,

and

WILLIAM DAVID KIMBRELL,

Appellant.

SYLLABUS BY THE COURT

1. Under K.S.A. 2004 Supp. 60-1616(a), a parent has a right to reasonable parenting time unless the trial court finds, after a hearing, that the exercise of parenting time would seriously endanger the child’s physical, mental, moral, or emotional health. K.S.A. 2004 Supp. 60-1616(a) creates a rebuttable presumption that a parent is entitled to reasonable parenting time and visitation. This presumption may be rebutted if, after a hearing, the trial court finds that the exercise of parenting time would seriously endanger the child’s physical, mental, moral, or emotional health.

2. The fundamental rule of statutory construction to which all other rules are subordinate is that the intent of the legislature governs if that intent can be ascertained. The legislature is presumed to have expressed its intent through the language of the statutory scheme it enacted. When a statute is plain and unambiguous, the court must give effect to the intention of the legislature as expressed rather than determine what the law should or should not be.

3. Orders which condition parenting time and visitation upon a minor child’s desires to see a parent give a minor child the authority to determine parenting time and can have the effect of denying parenting time altogether.

4. Among the factors that must be considered when determining the issue of child custody, residency, and parenting time under K.S.A. 2004 Supp. 60-1610(a)(3)(B) and K.S.A. 2004 Supp. 60-1616(a), the trial court must look at the desires of a minor child as to the child’s custody or residency. The child’s wishes as to custody, residency, and parenting time and visitation cannot be the exclusive factor relied upon by the trial court in determining parenting time.

Appeal from Douglas District Court; JEAN F. SHEPHERD, judge. Opinion filed September 16, 2005. Affirmed in part, reversed in part, and remanded with directions.

Brant M. Laue and Chadler E. Colgan, of Armstrong Teasdale LLP, of Kansas City, Missouri, for appellant.

Sherri E. Loveland, of Stevens & Brand, L.L.P., of Lawrence, for appellee.

Before MALONE, P.J., GREEN and BUSER, JJ.

GREEN, J.: William David Kimbrell (David) appeals the trial court’s decision regarding parenting time with his 16-year-old son Evan Kimbrell. The issue in this case is whether the trial court can condition a noncustodial parent’s right to parenting time with his or her minor child upon the desires of the child.

We determine that this cannot be done.

K.S.A. 2004 Supp. 60-1616(a) makes it clear that a parent has a right to reasonable parenting time with his or her minor child "unless the court finds, after a hearing, that the exercise of parenting time would seriously endanger the child’s physical, mental, moral or emotional health." Conditioning parenting time on the wishes of a minor child improperly gives the child the authority to determine a noncustodial parent’s rights to parenting time and visitation and can have the effect of completely denying the noncustodial parent’s rights to parenting time.

UPDATE: Dombrowski Case: Trial set January 8th, 2010 (The Murder of Motherhood) « A Human Rights Issue-Custodial Justice

28 October 2009

Most Cases Going To Court As High Conflict Contested Custody Cases Have History Of Domestic Violence

 

Note: Cross posted from [wp angelfury] Battered Mothers Rights - A Human Rights Issue.
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Most Cases Going To Court As High Conflict Contested Custody Cases Have History Of Domestic Violence  

By JOAN S. MEIER, George Washington University Law School

Janet Johnston’s publications

Janet Johnston is best known as a researcher of high conflict divorce and parental alienation. Not a particular friend of domestic violence advocates or perspectives, she has been one of the first to note that domestic violence issues should be seen as the norm, not the exception, in custody litigation.

Johnston has noted that approximately 80% of divorce cases are settled, either up front, or as the case moves through the process. Studies have found that only approximately 20% of divorcing or separating families take the case to court. Only approximately 4-5% ultimately go to trial, with most cases settling at some point earlier in the process.

- Janet R. Johnston et al, “Allegations and Substantiations of Abuse in Custody-Disputing Families,” Family Court Review, Vol. 43, No. 2, April 2005, 284-294, p. 284;
- Janet R. Johnston, “High-Conflict Divorce,” The Future of Children, Vol. 4, No. 1, Spring 1994, 165-182, p. 167
both citing large study by Maccoby and Mnookin, DIVIDING THE CHILD: SOCIAL AND LEGAL DILEMMAS OF CUSTODY. Cambridge, MA: Harvard U. Press (1992).

Johnston cites another study done in California by Depner and colleagues, which found that, among custody litigants referred to mediation, “[p]hysical aggression had occurred between 75% and 70% of the parents . . . even though the couples had been separated... [for an average of 30-42 months]”. Furthermore, [i]n 35% of the first sample and 48% of the second, [the violence] was denoted as severe and involved battering and threatening to use or using a weapon.”

Johnston (1994), supra, citing Depner et al., “Building a uniform statistical reporting system: A snapshot of California Family Court Services,“ Family and Conciliation Courts Review (1992) 30: 185-206

After surveying the research, Johnston concludes:

“Taken all together these studies suggest that, in divorces marked by ongoing disputes over the custody and care of children, both inside and outside the court, there is often a history of domestic violence in the family and a likelihood that the violence will continue after the separation.”
-Id. (1994) at p. 169.

It has previously been observed, based on research which predates the domestic violence/parental alienation battles that are now a feature of the field, that “multiple allegations of abuse are a feature of those higher conflict families” whose cases become contested custody litigation.

- Johnston (2005), supra (citing Maccoby and Mnookin (1992))

Peter Jaffe’s compilation of studies

Peter Jaffe is one of the world's leading experts on children, domestic violence, and custody. His latest publication on this subject states the following:

Myth: Domestic violence is rarely a problem for divorcing couples involved in a child custody dispute.”
Fact: The majority of parents in “high-conflict divorces” involving child custody disputes report a history of domestic violence.”
Peter Jaffe, Michelle Zerwer, and Samantha Poisson, "ACCESS DENIED: The Barriers of Violence and Poverty for Abused Women and their Children After Separation" (2004), p. 1

Jaffe et al also list the following studies (with the following descriptions) as supporting the position that most custody litigants have had a history of domestic violence:

· In a review of parents referred for child custody evaluations by the court, domestic violence was raised in 75% of the cases.

· Jaffe, P.G. & Austin, G. (1995). The Impact of Witnessing Violence on Children in Custody and Visitation Disputes. Paper presented at the Fourth International Family Violence Research Conference, Durham NH (Rep. No. July 1995)

· Of 2,500 families entering mediation in CA, approximately three quarters of parents indicated that domestic violence had occurred during the relationship.

· Hirst, 2002

· Between 70-75% of parents referred by the family court for counseling because of failed mediation or continuing disputes over the care of their children, physical aggression had taken place.
- Johnston & Campbell, (1988), Impasses of Divorce: The dynamics and resolution of family conflict. New York, NY, US: The Free Press.

· Attempts to leave a violent partner with children, is one of the most significant factors associated with severe domestic violence and death.
- Websdale, N. (1999). Understanding Domestic Homicide. Boston, MA: University Press.

· A majority of separating parents are able to develop a post-separation parenting plan for their children with minimal intervention of the family court system. However, in 20% of the cases greater intervention was required by lawyers, court-related personnel (such as mediators and evaluators) and judges. In the majority of these cases, which are commonly referred to as "high-conflict," domestic violence is a significant issue.
- Johnston, J.R. (1994). “High-conflict divorce.” Future of Children, 4, 165-182.
- all cited in Jaffe et al, ACCESS DENIED, supra, at p. 1.

National Center for State Courts

Finally, studies conducted by the National Center for State Courts (NCSC), looking solely at court records, have found documented evidence of domestic violence in 20-55% of contested custody cases.

· The NCSC’s study, looking only at documented domestic violence in custody court records, found that 24% of court records contained some evidence of domestic violence in Louisville; 27% in Baltimore; and 55% of Las Vegas cases indicated domestic violence.
- Susan Keilitz et al, Ðomestic Violence and Child Custody Disputes: A Resource Handbook for Judges and Court Managers, prepared for the National Center for State Courts; State Justice Institute,” NCSC Publication Number R-202, p. 5

· The same study found that a screening process (utilized by the mediation program) “revealed a much higher incidence of domestic violence than a review of court records alone would have indicated.”
- Id. at 7.

Custody Courts Regularly Fail to Note or Lack Information about history of Domestic Violence

Peter Jaffe and Robert Geffner have stated that “’nonidentification of domestic violence in divorce cases’ is a prevalent and problematic issue.”

- Kernic et al, “Children in the Crossfire: Child Custody Determinations Among Couples With a History of Intimate Partner Violence,” VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN, Vol. 11, No. 8, August 2005, 991-1021, 1013, citing Jaffe & Geffner, ”Child custody disputes and domestic violence: Critical issues for mental health, social service, and legal professionals,” in Holden et al (Eds.), CHILDREN EXPOSED TO MARITAL VIOLENCE: THEORY, RESEARCH, AND APPLIED ISSUES, pp. 371-396, Washington, DC: American Psychological Association

· Kernic et al, from the Harborview Injury Prevention & Research Center in Seattle, go on to state that “[o]ur study provides strong support for this assertion.” This study looked at divorce cases, including both those with a documented, substantiated, and/or alleged history of domestic violence, and those without. The study found that in 47.6% of cases with a documented, substantiated history, no mention of the abuse was found in the divorce case files.
- Id. at 1005.

· The same study found that “the court was made aware of less than one fourth of those cases with a substantiated history of intimate partner violence.”
- Id. at 1016.

· In the same study, fathers with a history of committing abuse were denied child visitation in only 17% of cases. Mothers in these cases were no more likely to obtain custody than mothers in non-abuse cases. This study found that mothers were “more likely” than fathers to be awarded sole custody, but does not identify what proportion of cases resulted in equal sharing of physical custody (which is available in Washington even when one parent is designated “primary”).
- Id. at 1014-1015.

· The Virginia Commission on Domestic Violence Prevention commissioned a study of these issues at University of Virginia in 1997-98. The study found that in custody cases where there was also a domestic abuse case in court, only 25% of the custody files referenced the existence of the domestic abuse case.
www.courts.state.va.us/fvp/history.html

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Note: Cross posted from [wp angelfury] Battered Mothers Rights - A Human Rights Issue.
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20 October 2009

Child Support vs. Supporting Our Children

There is a huge difference between just paying the prescribed amount based on some obscure mathematical equation and actually supporting a child.  This is one of the hotly debated topics that I see all over the place.  Moms and dads both feel they are cheated, regardless of WHO pays and WHO receives.  Generally, BOTH parties will say they are getting screwed.

Both parties may have a valid point...the Family Courts often are the ones that ‘profit’ from custody battles and child support issues.  The longer they can keep two parents fighting about this the better seems to be the modus operandi.  Parents and children surely do NOT profit in anyway from the child support issues or the money.  Now, here I am NOT talking about the stars and rich people we hear about having to pay or receiving $30,000 a month and craziness like that.

I am talking about normal people with normal incomes and normal bills.

Personally I feel that where possible no child support should be paid by either party and if it is, then the person receiving it should have a yearly review of what they are spending it on.  Now, with that said....I do not think this should be used as another means to allow abusers to control their victims!!

Personally I have been on the paying and receiving sides.  I know damn good and well what I was assessed to pay was NOT enough to totally even feed my children for the month, much less all the other stuff that they needed.  I also know damn good and well that when I was receiving support payments for my kids it was not enough to cover their food bill let alone anything else.  And, no I don’t have a football team worth of kids and no they are not pigs and just eat too much.

I also know several single parents that could NOT afford to keep a roof over the kids head and food on the table, without being paid child support.  And, let me assure you...the person with the most money is NOT always the best parent.  Remember the saying...Money can’t buy happiness....

Now along with child support we also have to look at other factors....is the parent that is keeping them kids with them only motivated by the money?  Well sometimes....but not usually I think.  Remember I said on Sunday that most likely a person would end up spending more on lawyers and court costs than they’d stand to gain.

And, then we also have to look at the patterns of abuse within the family prior to and after the separation.

I saw a discussion the other day on a forum about an article that said something to the effect of:  Protective parents would rather have their children safe than receive child support.  I tend to agree with that.  Although like I mentioned above, there are many single parents that can’t make it without the additional help from the other parent.  (Oh, and I didn’t see a link for that article so I didn’t read the article just saw the discussion that was about it, so I can not link it here.)

I have seen that abusers will fight tooth and nail to get custody of their children so that do not have to pay child support and also they can use the children to continue to control and abuse the other parent.  They also generally do not spend what they should on their children's needs, nor do they support them in a nuturing, caring, loving manner.  This all usually amounts to neglect.  The children suffer, regardless whether they are being physically abused or not.

In my opinion, parents should NEVER ever put the well being of their child below their own greed or control issues or even personal needs.   I know of couples that have worked out some rather creative child support payments, such has taking a percentage of all household bills for the house the child lives in and adding that up to come up with the amount.  That works, if there is not an abuser involved.

I’m not sure I even know the solution to the problem, but I do know there is a problem!  I also know that we as parents need to figure out what is best for our children and come up with a solution, rather than just sitting back bitching and waiting for someone else to get something changed.  Which, I guess if you wanted to you could say is what I just did.

My point here is to bring the issue to light.  From there a solution can be gained.

18 October 2009

Parents lying about abuse

In recent conversation the subject about parents lying about sexual and physical abuse done to their children by the other parent came up.  I have often thought of this when I blog here the articles that I find all over the internet.  Because of this conversation, I have given more thought to this.

When one parent accuses the other parent of sexual or physical abuse of their child while going through divorce proceedings or custody battles, many often claim the abuse didn’t happen.  Most people claim that the parent making the accusations are fabricating them just to get custody of the child; and further to get money, i.e. in the form of child support.

I have seen studies that say parents lie about abuse in very few cases, and I have seen studies where they say parents lie about it in a very high percentage of cases.  So, I will not quote OR link to any studies for what I have to say about it.  Obviously, it depends on which study you read.  So who do we believe?

I tend to believe what I have seen and experienced first hand, not what I read, but what I personally have witnessed.  It is very obvious to anyone that has ever been divorced or sat in Family Court; that no matter how peaceful the parties involved are trying to make this...the Family Court System can and often does turn the proceedings into a three ring circus.  Throw in domestic violence and child abuse; and you have a nightmare!

Shared Parenting comes up in most divorce cases, it has to.  Most states have a clause that says the child should live where the best interest of the child is better served.  Shared Parenting can work, but if and only IF there is NO abuse going on.  NONE.  When there has been abuse either before, during or after the divorce or separation...all efforts at shared parenting or co-parenting will fail.

No one can share in parenting with someone that has abused them or their child.  Abusers will NOT split decisions and parenting equally, not will they compromise with their victims. 

Yes, there are vindictive petty people out there that are parents.  Yes, these same parents do see using the child as a pawn for whatever gain they can as a means to an end for their own vengeful ideas.  I won’t, or well can’t, deny they exist because I have met parents like that.  BUT, for the most part I’d say the majority of parents that I personally know actually love their kids and will do what is best for them.

How can we as a society see through all this mess and determine when there really is abuse and when there is just a vindictive parent on the loose?  It is hard!  One thing that I have used as a guidepost is looking at the length of time the parent persists.  Vindictive parents usually will not go to such lengths as to have themselves inconvenienced by the fight in court.

What do I mean by that?  Well, during my conversation we were talking about a couple of moms that had been put in jail because they were claiming their child was being abused by the father.  In one situation the mom had hidden the daughter somewhere and would not tell where she was.  So she was put in jail as a method of trying to force her to tell. 

The article that we were discussing made it seem like she was being accused of lying about the abuse.  Now, I ask you this....if all she wanted was revenge or child support, why on earth did she let it go on for years of her being in jail.  I can’t believe that someone would lie about something like that, then hide their child and go to jail for years rather than tell where the child is.  NOPE, I won’t and can’t believe she was lying.

A vindictive or greedy person, in my opinion, would not spend all the money it takes to continue going to court.  It just makes no sense.  They will end up spending more on court and lawyers than what they will get in return.  Not to mention they will be inconvenienced for far too long. 

So, in my opinion, the ones that go to such extremes are more than likely the ones that are telling the truth.  Now, that doesn’t mean to me that the ones that ‘give up’ quickly are lying as well.  Some people just don’t have the means to even get the battle started, no matter how REAL the abuse to their child is.

17 October 2009

A Nightmare in Oconto County

The below is a chronicled account of what one mom and daughter have went through in the Family Court System; and what has happened thus far in regards to the daughters well being.  I initially was going to write a much longer introduction that this, wanting to give this family the respect of caring enough to do so.  I decided to let their story speak for itself.  The below was written by the mother and permission was given to post it.  You may also find it on several other blogs as well.

In 2003 my abuser forged my signature and had it notarized on a court stipulation giving him "50/50" custody and all back child support dropped, this is a paternity case. The notary was his real estate/insurance agent. The only reason I found out about the forgery is that he tried to remove our daughter, Michaela from daycare and they contacted me immediately.
I filed a police report regarding the forgery, the DA, Jay Conley, he said that "even though we know who the likely suspect is there was no proof that my abuser, Craig Hensberger, did this". Even though no one else would benefit from such an arrangement but the "likely suspect". I got a handwriting analysis done on my own and presented that evidence to the DA, he stated that only "proved it was not my signature", he refused to do anything.

I went to court in front of Family Court Commissioner, Frank Calvert, of Oconto County, who just happened to be the GAL on my divorce/custody proceedings in 1997 who recommended custody to my ex abusive husband, John Fetterly. It was also Mr. Calvert who made sure that in his recommendations that in order for me to have primary placement with my older three daughters I was to have a "stable living environment away from Craig Hensberger". In 2003 Mr. Calvert moved up in ranks from lowly GAL to Family Court Commissioner and even with me expressing to him my concerns of his ability to be impartial I was ignored, chastised and intimidated by him. He refused to hear or see any evidence regarding the forgery and kept it as is, "50/50" custody and ordered child support in the amount of $25 per week based on 50/50 custody even though the father had placement every other weekend.

The weekend of Fathers Day in June 2005 my daughter was in the custody and care of her father. On Saturday of that weekend he was arrested for his second DUI in less than a year with our daughter as a passenger in the middle of the day. At this time I had decided to move out of the state and per the county rules sent a certified letter to my former abuser to notify him of our move. He refused the certified letter and it was returned to me, although he was alerted that I was planning on moving and then filed an objection to my move. We again went in front of Frank Calvert who appointed GAL, Aaron Krzewinski. They ordered that my child stay in her current school but that Craig’s mother was to do all the transportation and supervision of placement. This was when my former abuser anger began to escalate and he vandalized three vehicles of mine which rendered them useless as well as loosening all the lug nuts on my tires which could of killed me as the tire fell off while traveling to work one morning.

Finally in October 2005, I moved in with my mother who lived well within the 150 mile radius I was allowed to move without notifying him. In December he served 20 days in jail for his DUI w/our daughter (the minimum is 30 days) and he also was allowed out on "Huber" so that he only had to report to jail at night when he was done working or not working. After he did his time he filed a motion to enforce placement when he was in jail for most of December. Again FCC Frank Calvert chastised me in court for not have legal representation and stated that if he could make me move back he would. He then gave my former abuser every weekend custody and ordered that I drive roundtrip every weekend because my abusers license was suspended. He stated that it wasn’t “his fault I moved, it was mine”. He also refused to review child support and the $25 weekly was upheld.

In August 2006 I moved back to Oconto County with my then fiancé’ soon to be husband, Chad Tipton. It was the Labor Day weekend and we were set to drive her for visitation with her father. My daughter stated that she was scared to go because her father was putting his finger in her “butt crack” down her pants, she made a motion of up and down. She made this revelation and stated how uncomfortable it was to her. I immediately contacted Marathon County CPS who interviewed my daughter. They did make a TPR and advised that Oconto would then handle it when we moved there after that weekend.

During the first weeks of September 2006 my daughter was met at her school by Oconto County CPS worker Carrie Silbernagel. After not hearing from Ms. Silbernagel I contacted her and she was very volatile towards me. Stating that she didn’t believe my daughter, that she believed she was “coached” and that she had children younger than my daughter who could provide specific details such as smells, times of days, etc. but my daughter did not. She stated that she knew of my “history with CPS” and reporting false allegations of sexual abuse. I asked her to explain as I had never made any other report to CPS regarding sexual abuse. She referred to another CPS worker that I had allegedly spoke to in 2004 regarding my older daughter. She made comments that she “knew ALL about me” etc. When I pointed out that my daughter is in danger as her fathers history of driving drunk. She then stated that “driving drunk with his child didn’t make him a bad father, he made a bad choice”.  She refused to take any action and the matter was closed.

In May 2007 my former abuser decided to file for sole custody of our daughter as his behavior was to the point of madness since I was getting married on July 7, 2007. It was during this time that FCC Frank Calvert recused himself finally after I had filed a complaint against him with the Wisconsin Judicial Commission regarding his impartiality and biasness.  By this time he was already facing charges of endangering safety with a dangerous weapon as he tried to run my then fiancé’ and 13 yo daughter in a grocery store parking lot one night as he waited outside for us. During that summer he was given every other week custody and they kept it that way until school started. Every bad behavior he gained more and more custody as the GAL was continually getting more money.

By January 2008, last minute he agreed to joint custody and dropped his sole custody claim. In February 2008 my daughter came home and said that her grandmother had forced fed her soup and then her vomit while threatening to beat “her ass” with a wooden spoon if she didn’t eat it. I contacted CPS and was told that the same CPS worker Carrie Silbernagel whose last name was now Burke as she married would contact me. After I told her of the force feeding incident she stated that she wanted to get down to the bottom of this “once and for all”. She suggested to take my daughter to a neutral third party who would interview her, I agreed. Although she only needed one parents permission she made the appointment at the Child Advocacy Center when it was the fathers placement time to avoid any of my ‘coaching’ etc.

On February 25 my daughter was picked up by Carrie Silbernagel Burke and had my child interviewed by Sara Schumacher who was a forensic interviewer for child abuse victims. The interview was recorded and transcribed. During the interview not only did my daughter tell of the soup incident but once again how her father sexually abused her. She told both Sara Schumacher and Carrie Silbernagel Burke that he father had instructed her to lie that day to them. By that afternoon I received a call from Carrie telling me that they were substantiating the abuse and placing my daughter with me. I thought that the nightmare was finally over. The CPS worker advised my husband and I that it would be a good idea if we left town for the night, get a hotel room as when she contact Craig he was extremely upset. She also advised that we should immediately file a child abuse restraining order for the TPR would not help protect my daughter very long. She explained that they would be filing a CHIPS (child in need of protection) petition and she would be in contact with us.

The next day I filed child abuse restraining orders against Craig and Betty Hensberger and it was granted by Oconto County Richard Delforge for 30 day pending the CHIPS petition. By March CPS was already back pedaling and we were advised by Carrie Burke that Corporation Counsel, Robert Mraz, stated that I was already “protecting my daughter in Family Court” when in fact there was no such order but only the one in which she was to go every other week. Then CPS offered for both parties to sign a stipulation agreement for “co-parenting” classes for both parents. They never even ordered any alcohol or drug assessment for Craig whose history of alcohol abuse was severe. My attorney at the time, Michael Perry,  advised me not to agree to the stipulation and also my former abuser refused to sign.

Also in March he was acquitted of his charge of endangering safety with a dangerous weapon. Somehow my former abuser contacted my ex husband and had my older daughters recant their statements. When this was brought forward to the DA, Jay Conley of possible witness tampering, he stated it wasn’t because Craig only talked with my ex husband.

On May 21, 2008, my daughters 10th birthday, an Administrative Appeal was held by recused FCC Frank M. Calvert. My lawyer and I were not privy to this hearing in which my former abuser, his attorney, Corporation Counsel, Deputy Director of Oconto County CPS Greg Benesh and Carrie Burke were a part of. The only reason my attorney learned of this hearing was due to my abusers attorney, John D’Angelo, sending a copy of the hearing in which Mr. Calvert unsubstantiated the sexual abuse allegations. My attorney advised me to get the recording from the hearing and I did. What I heard was chilling as my character and credibility was more of an issue than the actual abuse. Especially in which Mr. Calvert snickers and makes fun of me that he’s “well aware of the difficulties with Ms. Fetterly-Tipton”. My lawyer instructs me to file a complaint with the judicial commission as Mr. Calvert had recused himself and he had no right to hear that case. When I requested the CD recording of the hearing Mr. Calvert’s assistant Julie Depouw stated that perhaps Calvert “forgot” he recused himself. A complaint was filed with the judicial commission regarding the ongoing bias and unethical practices of Frank M. Calvert.

In July 2008 my former abuser wanted his placement times back. We went to court and after my two witnesses testified, Sara Schumacher and Greg Benesh, Judge David Miron ordered a recess. My lawyer, my former abuser’s lawyer, GAL Krzewinski met in chambers. My lawyer returned to say that the judge was not going to hear any more testimony because so far we had not proven that there was any substantial change in circumstances for change in placement. He also stated that due to her father subpoenaing my daughters counselor, Jennifer Werner, her supervisor wrote to the judge to tell of his disdain that she was being ‘used’ as a pawn in this proceeding and she had no knowledge of the ongoing custody dispute (her counseling records do not reflect that). My lawyer stated I had to agree to two supervised visits, one overnight unsupervised, one weekend unsupervised then back to week on week off, providing that GAL Krzewinski and newly appointed counselor, Mike Mervilde, found no reason for that schedule, and they didn’t.
When I had tried to make further appointments with Mike Mervilde I was thwarted by saying that he was only court ordered to see her twice. When I requested copies of her counseling records I was told that my daughter wasn’t the patient, her father was.

By the very first unsupervised visit my daughter came back stating her father was drinking and driving with her. Every other week she was coming home from his home with lice. CPS said that wasn’t neglect. My daughter refused to go for visitation and in October her father filed his first of three contempt motions on me. I was found in contempt by Judge Miron and it was ordered that my daughter be forced to live with her abuser for five weeks straight, I was not allowed visitation. This was when I was first accused of PAS, a.k.a. ’brainwashing’ her. The judge stated that he believed that I had “poisoned” my daughter against her father. When I shook my head slightly the judge yelled at me to not shake my head at him.
She left on 10/31/09 and returned on 12/05/09. During that time she was tormented and tortured by her father and grandmother. My daughter still says that was the worst time of her life.

In February my daughter came home and said her father caught a 8lb Walleye and kept it alive in his 100 gallon fish tank for two weeks. He then proceeded to use her and sign her up for three different fishing derbies in one weekend with the same fish. He told my daughter if she told no one she would receive an ipod. The total of $150 of prize money that was won in my daughters name she never saw one penny or an ipod.

Her father was caught in his lying, cheating and stealing but blamed her for “ratting him out”. This was the turning point that my daughter lost any last respect for her father, she would ask me, “why would he do this to me?”, I had no answer, I still don’t.

She missed a weekend visit in March, by Monday he went to her school with the police to pick her up. She refused and the Gillett police officer, Gary Pemmrich, threatened my daughter that he would take her down to juvenile hall, she would be placed in foster care, she would never see me again and that she would have to go to a new school.

It was after this hat my former abuser brought me to court again for contempt, the judge did not find me in contempt and dismissed it. This was when Judge Miron made a threat that perhaps neither parent was fit and maybe he would put her in foster care.

He then changed the order that each parent could pick up the child directly from school rather than the police station as the drop off.

Shortly after she returned from her week placement stating how cold she was at her fathers, stating his electricity was “broken”. The next week it was the same, finally CPS was alerted that there was no electricity, running water/plumbing, refrigeration for food etc. They then began staying at his mothers small two bedroom home, my daughter was given a choice of either sleeping on the living room floor or the unfinished basement. By August my daughter had been frightened several times by her grandmother driving her drunk, specifically one occasion where they took her out with them to the bar and as the grandmother stumbled out of the bar she proceeded to get into the wrong vehicle and then drove them home, drunk.
My daughter asked to stay at my home on his weekend 8/7/09 due to her older sisters coming for a visit. She kept saying how relaxed she was, how well she slept in an actual bed in her own room. She called him and told him she would not return to his mothers house because she had no bed or bedroom there. By 8/12/09 he filed a motion of contempt on me but waited until last minute 9/18/09 to  have me served. Due to the untimely notice it was dismissed, He soon filed another contempt. At no time after school started did he ever go to school to retrieve his daughter. In court on 10/14/09 he and his mother perjured themselves that she has her own room, I’m brainwashing her, they don’t drink. When asked why he didn’t go pick her up he would say he was “working” or he was “busy” but I was being held accountable. On 9/4/09 we drove up to the grandmothers house for my daughter to retrieve her clarinet. We requested the assistance of Oconto County Sheriffs Deputy Ryan Zahn, who happens to be the nephew of Craig Hensberger, grandson of Betty Hensberger. At no time did the grandmother attempt to keep my daughter at her residence, her father according to his testimony was working.

Judge Miron found me in contempt and ordered me 30 days in county jail, with it stayed and ordered that my daughter be picked up by her father on 10/16/09 after school. I was also found in contempt and ordered 30 days in county jail for claiming my daughter on my taxes even though he has an order to do so the IRS will not allow him to since he unlawfully claimed her from 1999-2007. Also because she lived with me exclusively from Feb 2008-August 2008 which the federal government agreed I could claim her. Judge Miron also made his threats again that maybe he would “contact CPS because neither one of us is a fit parent and maybe he should take he away from both of us”. He stated that maybe foster care was the best place for her.

Since the contempt motion being served on 9/18/09 my child has began sleep walking, having night terrors, and was placed on Xanax for her sleep disturbances and anxiety issues brought on by her father. She has stated she is not going with her father ever again, she can’t and won’t. She won’t be in school tomorrow due to her flu and is adamant that nobody can make her go, not even me.

16 October 2009

Abused Women DO Really Lose Their Children to Their Abusers

 

Note: Cross posted from [wp angelfury] Battered Mothers Rights - A Human Rights Issue.
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Abused Women DO Really Lose Their Children to Their Abusers

Filed under: Activism, Andrew Titelman, Bad Dads, Battered Mothers Custody Conference, Batterers, Child Abuse, Child Custody, Child Custody Battle, Child Custody Issues, Child Rape, Child custody for fathers, Children and Domestic Violence, Children who witness abuse, Children's rights, Claudine Dombrowski, Corrupt Judges, Corrupt Lawyers,Corrupt bastards, Desperate men, Domestic Violence, Georgia, Getting screwed by the Family Courts, Hal Richardson,Hate Crimes, Judicial Immunity, Kansas, Legal abuse, Maternal Deprivation, Mother Child Relationship, Noncustodial Mothers, Sex Predators, Sexual Violence, Violence against women, Wendy Titelman, Women of Distinction, Women's Rights, fathers fighting for custody — justice4mothers @ 9:30 am

Interviews from the Battered Mothers Custody Conference, held every year in New York…this is from the 2008 conference:

[IMPORTANT: The following audiovisual piece includes real-life interviews featuring disturbing verbal content and statements on child abuse and domestic violence. Viewer discretion is advised.]

Prof. Garland Waller produced “Small Justice: Little Justice in America’s Family Courts” which is an independent documentary that explores the relationship between domestic violence, child sexual abuse and custody laws in America. To learn more about the stories of the women seen in this 10 minute clip, please go to http://batteredmotherscustodyconferen…

Jessie Beers Altman, a graduate student in the College of Communication, was in charge of editing this video.

For more information of Boston University’s Department of Film and Television at the College of Communication, visit: http://www.bu.edu/com/ft

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5viwjaIorU8&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&feature=player_embedded&fs=1]

On May 11, 2007,  just before Mother’s Day weekend, ten mothers, one victimized child, now an adult,  leading national and state organizations filed a complaint against the United States with the Inter American Commission on Human Rights. Their petition claims that U.S. courts, by frequently awarding child custody to abusers and child molesters, has failed to protect the life, liberties, security and other human rights of abused mothers and their children.  Wendy Titelman, who begins on the video, is a member of the petition…here is her situation:

The story of Wendy Titelman is well known in the United States. Her two daughters were taken from her by a Cobb County judge in Georgia at ages five and seven after sexual abuse was reported against the father who was abusive to her during the nine year marriage. She has not seen them for more than six years. She was jailed twice and acquitted by a jury once. She has filed bankruptcy. Expert after expert, witness after witness verified the child sex abuse. Rather than dealing with the confirmed sexual abuse of the children, parental alienation and mental illness were alleged against her because of her belief that the girls were telling the truth about molestation by their father.

In February of 2000, she was put on supervised visitation. In the divorce, the court made no finding of facts. The court and various related personnel clearly participated in a cover up of the abuse. In September 2000, in an ex parte hearing, the court ordered her not to come near her own children. The court did not hold a final hearing for 5.5 years, did not apply the clear and convincing legal standard as required and did not make findings of fact or conclusions of law.

Instead contempt motions have been filed against her and bogus arrest warrants, one federal and two from Georgia were served and she was jailed for five days in Mississippi and one day in Georgia. She was criminally prosecuted for custodial interference and not only did the jury return a not guilty verdict, but wrote a letter to the judge in the custody case condemning her prosecution as malicious and a cover up of the abuse. The court in Mississippi put the children in protective custody after an investigation there, but the father was successful in having them returned to Georgia where the abuse continued.

The courts have refused her petition and she has had to go to the state Supreme Court to force the lower court to accept the petition. When they were ordered to accept it, they then promptly dismissed it. She filed a federal suit for malicious prosecution and it was dismissed and the attorney sanctioned $84,000. This sanction was upheld all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court. Just recently the Georgia Supreme Court dismissed all her appeals and requests for reconsideration.

As a method of sustaining herself during this nightmare, Wendy has written a book documenting the case. The forward includes endorsements from Paul Fink, M.D., a prominent psychiatrist, Seth Goldstein, a lawyer, former investigator and instructor at the FBI academy, and Sol Gothard, a judge in Louisiana. The book details the marriage, the violence, the early years with the children, the divorce, the mother’s unceasing efforts to protect the children, the court system’s cover up of the abuse including withholding of evidence, ex parte hearings, and denial of due process, the retaliation of the system against the mother and her attorney. Exhibit 2.

It also includes documents from the children, letters, notes, emails, a court petition, reports of the abuse, professional assessments, drawings of the children, documentation of the abuse, supervised visitation reports, and expresses the deep pain, loss and grief the mother is suffering not only because she cannot see her children but knowing they are being abused and she is helpless to prevent it. This case is an extreme example of the State silencing the protective mother and putting the children directly in harms way. Unfortunately, it is not unusual.

See a letter from Wendy here:  Wendy Titelman, a Mother who has Not Seen Her Abused Daughters in Eight Years, Fights for Justice

Visit Stop Family Violence to see information on the petition.  Claudine Dombrowski is also a petitioner in this lawsuit, please visit her website.

Note: Cross posted from [wp angelfury] Battered Mothers Rights - A Human Rights Issue.

The Truth About The Family Court: Abused Women DO Really Lose Their Children to Their Abusers

14 October 2009

Abusers Use the Court System to Continue Victimization

This is a copy of the speech written by Gail Lakritz and given today by Angela Warren at the Pueblo Colorado Conference. This speech was given to judges, police, lawyers and DV advocates.

How Abusers Use The Court System To Continue to Victimize Their Partners and Children

When a woman finally makes that decision to end the abuse and to flee the abusive situation, she rightfully expects that the police, her lawyers and the courts will protect her and her children from further harm. Being a member of the Sheriff's Posse, that is what I was thought. After all, the courts always operate solely by the law, correct? (Scan audience for nods of agreement) We all know that does not happen and that is why I was so confused by my litigation. When injustice reared its ugly head, it flew in the face of everything I thought our country stood for, and, as with most victims of abuse, I came to realize that the system is stacked against the victim.

Today, I want to speak to you about some of the ways the abuser will use the system to further the abuse during the litigation process. It is my hope that, by exposing these tactics, you will recognize in your peers, and perhaps yourselves, what is being done has real, and all too often, deadly consequences.

The litigation abuse begins the moment the abuser is arrested. He plays on the sympathy of the arresting officers. He will use excuses to enlist them in his game. He is, after all, a master at deception. He has years of practice. He is the person who can look you straight in the eye and lie. During the ride to the lock up, he will say things like "She is an alcoholic or a drug addict", "She is always picking on the kids" or "She takes all the money and spends it on herself and we never have enough to eat." Anything that will garner sympathy and sway them to lessen the severity of what is written in the arrest report. And, being taught to spot the antagonist of a situation as they true perpetrator of the situation, the police officer, who is generally male, will empathize with the abuser, and slant his report to favor the abuser. He will ignore what he has been taught, that the victim is most often the one who is hysterical and angry at having been attacked and side with the often calm and rational sounding architect of the situation. And the abuser has gained his first needed corner stone to further the abuse, for in the future, any calls to 911 will be met with skepticism by the police and all future reports of violence will be seen as insane acts by the actual victim.

During the booking process and his appearance for arraignment, when the victim is not present to hear what is being said to the magistrate, he will again repeat his reasons for the attack. Laying the blame on the victim. Now he has widened his circle of conspirators. Word will filter from these people to the Bailiff and on to the judge that there were "extenuating circumstances" that predicated the attack.

Now, as we all know, the key to any successful litigation is money. With money, comes the right lawyers and a venue that is considered to be the "home turf" for that lawyer. Abusers control the money, therefore, they can afford the lawyers who consider winning to be the sole measure of success, not the just application of the law.

In each court system in America, there are lawyers that are known to be the "dirty trick" lawyers. They are the ones who use often unethical and illegal means to deny the Constitutional Rights of a litigant and victim. They will look the other way, or outright encourage, the use of terror tactics against a victim. Judges and other lawyers within the local Bar Association know who these practitioners are will look the other way. In some court systems, judges will actually instruct new lawyers with "I don't care what you do in my courtroom so long as I am not investigated" leaving the avenue open for them to ply their brand of law in any manner they see fit. The idea is to win, not to be just. The abuser will seek out these lawyers, perhaps getting the name of one from a police officer or someone else in the system who just happens to be overheard talking or from another inmate in the lock up.

So now, the abuser has assembled his "dream team". The police, the dirty tricks lawyer and the complacent judge. What more could he ask for than to have swayed the system and set the victim up for further abuse? The abuser will get a slap on the wrist, be sent to Anger Management and, in some jurisdictions, have his record of abuse sealed. In Anger Management, the prep will learn new and better ways of abusing. He will learn to abuse without leaving the outward marks that would land him back in jail. He will hone his skills, through the knowledge passed on by other perpetrators attending these sessions. The things that worked for them will be shared in group in the form of "I reacted to the situation by...." You fill in the blank, as each and every one of you know the tactics, know how the pain can be caused both mentally and physically to a victim without leaving the marks or a trail of abuse.

The first thing the abuser will do after being released from jail is to widen his circle of allies. His dirty tricks lawyer has instructed him to get out in front of his victim, and being the superior liar that he is, he is only too willing to accommodate. Generally, abusers are loners, having few friends and having disassociated themselves from family. He has allowed only minimal if any contact between his victim and her family. He will suddenly become the "social butterfly" contacting people to enlist their help, always with the story of having been the victim in the situation. Neighbors that were shunned by him in the past are now become his confidants. Whispers of abuse by the victim are passed from one person to another. This serves two purposes. It provides a support system for the abuser as well as removing any hope of support for the victim.

The next step to the tried and true method of using the system to abuse is to make the victim seem insane to the system. The abuser or one of his allies will begin the relentless process of attacks that are designed to discredit. Break-ins of the home of the victim are a common means as are well placed phone calls where the abuser uses threats, such as the victim never seeing her children again. An abuser will actually enlist the help of the unwitting child, promising rewards of gifts or, if teenagers, no boundaries to live by. The abuser will reward the child for such things as removing evidence against the abuser from the victims home, lying to police or being complacent about what was witnessed in an incident. Often, no system of reward is needed. It is fear of the abuser, that places the child in the unenviable situation of having to lie. The child senses what will cause the wrath of the abuser to rise against them. If you come away from this presentation with anything, this is the one piece of information I hope you retain. The cycle of abuse is learned and continued by this one tactic alone, using the children as tools of abuse. Any person within the system who even suggests that the abuser use this tactic is guilty of nothing less than murder. (Scan the audience to see who is squirming or looks disinterested and focus your eyes on them for a split second. They are a guilty party.)

Police, having been repeatedly told that the victim is insane, will respond to such things as break-ins as a sign that the abuser is correct in his assessment of the victim. All too often, the abuser will leave something that informs the victim he was there, but at the point in time that the police are called, the victim will not know what is missing, if anything. Sometimes the victim will find veiled death threats, a picture that only the victim and her abuser knows the meaning of, a cartoon left on the computer screen, that is meant to frighten and intimidate. A tire will be slashed when her car is hidden from public view, mementos that have little or no monetary value will be missing. Reporting these incidents to the police enforce the abuser's position. And, when the victim turns to her lawyer for help, if she has one, she is told to ignore all violations of her home and person. You see, it takes two lawyers to execute a well choreographed legal Tango, and by this time, the repeated calls to the police by the victim, the well placed lies by the perpetrator, and, with the assistance of the complacent judge, her lawyer has been won over to not assist in any meaningful manner. Thus the victim is turned into the abuser and seen only as a source of possible revenue for her own lawyer who will offer little if any assistance in seeing that justice is blind, not blinded by gold. ( Pick out a person you have predetermined to be guilty and look directly at them)

During the actual litigation process, there will be a number of players that will be easily swayed by the events that have lead up to this process. GALs and CLRs are swayed by having contact with the abuser and his ever growing stable of allies, lawyers, police and judges. If the children are afraid of the abuser, they dare not say anything to these people that would endanger themselves. Social workers, mental health professionals, even medical doctors who rely on the system for income will not oppose the well built facade of the abuser and his well scripted theater of abuse.

At this point, I would like to see a show of hands. How many of you are judges? Please raise your hands. Keep your hands raised, please. How many are police officers? Keep your hands raised, please. How many of you are lawyers who represent abuse victims exclusively? Good, now if you could all stand up and look around. Do you recognize people from your own court systems in this room? Isn't it nice to know that some of the people who are not standing could, and I emphasis the word could, be manipulating you? (Pause for about 10 seconds) Thank you, you may all be seated.

How do the dirty tricks lawyers actually manipulate? First, talk is cheap, and the dirty tricks lawyer and his client never seem to run out of voice. They will take every chance to influence the judge and the opposition lawyer if there is one, the GAL and CLR, the therapist and mental health evaluator , the social worker, shelter workers and people in the Court Clerk's office. Ex parte is common and rampant in any court system. It can't be stopped unless you, the judges, choose to stop it. A few well placed words prior to the opening of court, the happened, but planned, introduction of the abuser to you prior to proceedings so that you can see how likeable this person is and to get his side, again getting out ahead of the opposition in the litigation. Tools used to put a human face on an inhuman act of violence.

During the early stages of the litigation, the dirty tricks lawyer and an abuser will go for the "all or nothing" approach to a custody question. The abuser, and his lawyer, being confident in the groundwork they have already laid, will not present a parenting plan. They will often seek to move out of the jurisdiction, often so far away from the abused, as to effectively terminate all parental rights. The abused, on the other hand will present a generous plan which will include more time with the abuser than a court would normally mandate. The judge, being the Solomon of the court, knows he cannot split a child down the middle, will have to award temporary custody to one parent or another, and this is usually to the person who already has "possession" of the child at the time of the hearing. (make the hand sign for quotes when you say the word possession). If the victim was forced to flee without the child, or if the child happens to be visiting the abuser at the time of the hearing, guess who gets the temporary custody? Yup, the abuser.

This is the beginning of the motions process. The abuser's lawyer will file motions with the court, often filing them back to back, and always asking for contempt sanctions against the victim. If the victim is unrepresented, this confuses and terrorizes her. If she is one of the fortunate ones, one of the women who was able to afford a lawyer, and motions and subpoenas are filed on her behalf, they are ignored by the dirty tricks lawyer. In the meantime, if she is Pro Se, her filings are ignored by the clerk's office or disappear all together. It never ceases to amaze me how often victims report missing filings, even whole files of proceedings that have gone missing. I can only surmise how it could happen, all of which violate state law. When she asks for a subpoena which must go through the courts for approval, the subpoena that is received for service contains errors made by the person who entered it into the system, precluding the effectiveness of that subpoena. These errors would only be obvious to a trained lawyer, thereby giving the dirty tricks lawyer a reason to quash.

The motions process will offer more ample opportunities for the dirty tricks lawyer to ply his trade. He will mail important filings to the wrong address, often transposing the actual numbers, to prevent receipt in time for rebuttal. He will refuse to accept mail from the Pro Se and then claim that it was not sent to him. He will state a date and time verbally, but put another date and time in writing, often bolding it to attract attention to the erroneous information. He will send a copy of a minor issue in a motion, with proof of mailing, and have a second copy hand served. The problem with this is that he has actually filed two separate motions with the court, one of paramount importance and the one of minor importance. He will then have proof of two separate deliveries to the victim and state that the one hand served was in reference to the major issue while the one mailed was in reference to the minor issue. Of course, he will blame all of this on the victim. She gave me the wrong address, I never got it, she was served and I have the proof.

Depositions are an extremely useful tool for the trickster. Though most states follow the rules of the Federal Courts for deposition, tricksters do not. As all lawyers know, the only time depositions should be used is when information cannot be gotten by subpoena. The dirty tricks lawyer will force deposition to make the victim face her abuser in an environment controlled by the trickster. One deposition trick will be to inform the pro se that a date and time for a deposition of his client has been set. He will send a list of questions to be asked, and state that the deposition will be limited to these questions. This offers the opportunity to pound the Pro Se with intimidation and terrorist tactics of threats. It also forces the Pro Se into setting up a second deposition of her own. Not knowing that it is not required to submit questions in advance, the Pro Se will dutifully submit the entire list of questions to the trickster, giving him time to concoct answers that would favor him. And lest the abuser make a mistake, there is nothing to worry about. The Court Reporter in attendance is one favored by the lawyer. One only need to Google the search term "Changed Transcripts" to confirm this is a common practice. The number of hits are well in excess of 7,000,000.

Proffers are useful when it comes to the dirty tricks lawyer. It is not uncommon for them to submit Proffers to the Pro Se that are never filed with the courts. These are filled with the lies that the abuser intends on in court and are designed to see which arguments are going to be used to counteract the lies in court.

Surprise witnesses are the life blood of the trickster. No subpoena has been issued to these people to appear, but they just happen to be in the area when the court date came up. Judges have a duty to curtail the use of these convenient witnesses, but seldom do, preferring to overrule objections. Often, they are nothing more than hired guns for the defense, parroting whatever the trickster wants them to say. There is often no rebuttal for their testimony, as the Pro Se or her lawyer had no time to prepare for their appearance.

Witness tampering is blatantly illegal but used by the dirty trick lawyer and his client at every turn. All that is needed is for the potential witness to be mislead with a story of the victim being the true abuser, and after all, if they testify, they would be putting the children, and perhaps themselves, in danger. Surely, anyone in their right mind would not want to testify under these circumstances, given that few people are willing to testify in the first place. If that doesn't work, there is intimidation of the witness. Most people have something in their backgrounds they would prefer no one find out. The dirty tricks lawyer is a master at using innuendo and sources like police, family and acquaintances to find that one skeleton. If that doesn't work, there is always the avenue of the witness's employer. Innuendo can be placed in letters to the employer from the lawyer stating that this or that has never been cleared.

In his bag, the dirty trick lawyer and his client rely on the assistance of Child Protective Services. If a direct call from his client does not produce the desired response, there is always the "innocent and disconnected" third party report. These reports can vary from the upper end of sexual abuse or exploitation of the child to reports that the mother is furnishing drugs to the child to such things as a child being left alone. In one case I know of, the GAL was talked into calling CPS when a teenage boy overdosed. What the GAL forgot to report was that the 15 year old had arrived from his father's home with a plastic bag full of pills, and when the mother discovered them, he grabbed them and downed them in an attempt to get rid of the evidence. The same mother was accused of leaving the than 16 year old alone for two hours by the same GAL. Again the GAL left out a very important fact. The child was at the home of a friend.

Court orders are often altered to reflect what the attorney and abuser wants. One mother, while living here in Colorado heard a knock on her door one day. The father, who had never once exercised his visitation, had moved five years previously to Washington state. He went to the local Colorado police with an altered court order for full custody of the son, than 7 years old. No one questioned the validity of the order, in fact, the police were only too willing to help him in removing the child from the mother. She never saw her son again. She was able to locate him last year in a suburb of Seattle, but now 20, he has had it drilled into his head that she wanted nothing to do with him and had willing given him up.

If all else fails, there is always the use of Parental Alienation to fall back on. Dr. Richard Gardner, using no identifiable research and much to the consternation of all recognized authorities, first placed this Syndrome in the minds of the courts to discredit mothers and to help men save on alimony and child support payments. We are all familiar with the theory that states that the mother is toxic to the relationship between the father and his children and that the only true cure for this toxicity is to severely limit visitation or to remove it all together. Abusers and their attorneys love to use PAS. It is one of the most effective forms of abuse of the victim.

Through all the court abuse, and I have only touched on some of the verifiable things that women suffer in the courtroom, there is a continued onslaught from the abuser. Stalking, break-ins, destruction of property and threats of further harm to the victim are normal. Checks for alimony or child support that are never received are also widely reported. Harassment is an ongoing problem to the victim. Planting seeds of doubt of a mother's love for her child in the child's mind, any avenue an abuser can think of will be used.

All of this for one objective, to carry on the abuse. And, the players in the courtroom are all aiders and abettors to that abuse, whether they realize it or not. The crimes we allow these people to get away with are crimes that are punishable by law, and by each and every one of you allowing them to be predicated on victims of violence, you are taking part in those crimes.

Now, as one last thing, I would like some of you to take part in a fun little exercise to reinforce some of what you have heard here today. I would ask that every judge in the audience stand up and glace around the room. I want you to pick out a person here that you do not know and walk over to them and without saying a word, I want you to grasp their hand and shake it. (Wait for them to do this)

Now, again without giving this person your name, I want you to whisper in their ear the year, color and make and model of the car your closest loved one drives. Now, I want you, without giving the city or town you live in, to tell them the street address of that person. Good. You have just given someone who may be a trickster lawyer or an abuser all the information they need. You have just put your loved one in danger, possibly signing that their death warrant. Think about it and try to have a nice day.