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29 August 2009

Biologically, mothers and babies belong together

 

Why do I...

...keep my babies with me all the time? As in, why don't I leave them with babysitters, or drop them off at daycare or at least a mother's morning out, take trips without them, or even leave them with my husband when I want to go out shopping for a few hours?

The short answer: I'd miss them too much. That and the whole feeding issue.

The long answer:

Biologically, mothers and babies belong together, as one unit. The mother remains the primary habitat for the baby beyond the months of pregnancy. Her body continues to completely nourish the baby for at least the first six months, and then should continue to be the main source of nutrition for at least the next ix months. The baby forms its primary attachment to the mother by being in close constant contact with her.

One of La Leche League's ten belief statements is as follows: "In the early years, the baby has an intense need to be with his mother which is as basic as his need for food." So it is not just about nutrition. Nutrition may be what helps begin the bonding of mother and baby: baby must eat frequently, and mother keeps him close. they experience skin-to-skin contact through nursing, and they begin to form a bond. The baby is learning about love and life from his mother - who he thinks he is actually a part of - through the physical closeness. He is learning to trust, and that consistent person being there all the time for him brings him security. This is what "attachment" is all about.

A baby first becomes attached to his mother, and she to him, in these early months. But the LLL statement above said the early years. This means that baby is not suddenly ready to spend a lot less time with his mother once he hits the end of his first year. The statement is vague on the exact number of years since that will vary from child to child. Independence from the mother is not something that can be forced on a child - it is a gradual process.

Personally, it seems to me that a child any less than about 18-24 months old is not going to understand about long separations from his mother. Some mothers have to work eight hours a day - yes, this is a reality for some. But it is not ideal, in my opinion. As unpopular as it may be for me to say this, I think babies and young children should be at home with their mothers. This is the person they were designed to be with for the vast majority of the time in their early years, and it has been shown to be optimal for their well-being.

Some people say that a mother who will not release her baby or toddler into the care of others is being "overprotective." They try to make it about the mother's needs more than the child's needs. So many mothers are brushed off, saying, "Oh, he doesn't need you - it sounds like you're the one who is needy!" True, a mother does feel a need to be with her nursing baby, because of the need to feed him, and also because of the bond that is there. But most mothers - myself included - are genuinely concerned for their baby's well-being in wanting to keep him close. This is not to say that other people are incompetent and can't care for a baby properly (like great Aunt Ethel who's been after you to keep the baby for a couple days while you go out of town)... just that the mother believes that it is in the baby's best interest to remain with his mother.

This reaction is somewhat understandable in our culture. We are basically taught through our experiences that toddlers, even infants, who cry for their mothers are spoiled and trying to manipulate them. That mothers are replaceable by any child care provider, at any age, and for any length of time. That toddlers who don't fall asleep alone are going to have horrible sleep problems in the future. So, I don't fault people who say, "You need to get a break from that baby!" They usually don't mean any harm - it is just ingrained in our culture, the same way any old lady who sees you with your baby in a store will ask you, "Is he a good baby?"

Babies lack object permanence. When a baby's mother leaves, he does not understand that she will be back. His brain isn't developed to the point of knowing that once she is out of sight, she still exists. It as if she has ceased to exist. The longer the separation, the harder it is on the baby. The baby can even begin to mourn for his mother as if she were dead (I wish I remember where I had read that so I could quote it directly). Even as babies gain object permanence - realizing that things still exist even when not in sight - they still think they are a part of the mother. They don't begin to really view them....MORE

Seed Newsvine

27 August 2009

Indiana’s top 10 bad dads!

 

From Dastardly Dads:

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

For kids’ sake, SOME dads need to be discouraged from involvment (Indianapolis, Indiana)

Stuart Showalter, a well-known white supremacist/fathers rights advocate in Indiana, has published a piece at indystar.com called “For kids’ sake, don’t discourage dad’s involvement.”

It’s a rather stupid argument. Nobody discourages the involvement of a dad who has been loving and committed from the beginning. Most of these dads are still in happy marriages with the mothers of their children. A few had more-or-less amicable separations or divorces, but continue to play an active role because everybody desires it and sees it as a good thing.

That doesn’t mean that “shared parenting” should be forced down the throat of every mother and child, or that every dad’s involvement is always a good thing. There’s no reason to get dogmatic and rigid, and ignore the individual dad’s track record.

That’s saying all dads are equally the same and equally as good. Think about that. The unemployed druggie who beat his wife and kids is just as good as they guy who was a steady worker, stayed married to the same mom for 30 years, read to the kids every night, and coached Little League? Give me a break.

Want ten quick examples–just from Indiana–of dads where the kids might have been better off if Dad hadn’t been “involved”?

1) Katron Walker of Vigo County: Abducted his two kids, killed 4-year-old son in June 2006.

2) Joshua Todd Hildebrand of Williamsburg: Smashed windshield of car with gun, hit 3-month-old daughter in head. Baby has serious brain injuries.

3) Donald Medsker of Fort Wayne: Fathered 7 kids with his own sister. He had custody of the sister from age 11.

4) Ronald Bonahannon of Midland: Shot and killed his 16-month-old son; tried to blame a “stranger.”

5) John A. Jeffers of Bloomfield: Accused of homicide in death of 5-month-old son.

6) Terry Bethel of Gary: Accused in murder of 13-month-old son.

7) Michael Stayer of Whitestown: Beat wife to death with 5-year-old son as witness.

8) William Foster of Beech Grove: Killed 4-month-old son.

9) Joseph Warnock of Brownsburg: Killed wife in front of 2 daughters.

10) Matthew D. Schutz of Lafayette: Accused of killing 15-week-old daughter.

26 August 2009

Teen fears honor killing for Christianity

Original:  Fathima Rifqa Bary: Runaway Teen Fears Honor Killing (VIDEO) | Renovo Media

Fathima Rifqa Bary: Runaway Teen Fears Honor Killing (VIDEO)

Friday, August 21, 2009

By Andrea, posted in News

rifqa bary

Fathima Rifqa Bary, a 17-year-old honor student and cheerleader who fled her family home in Ohio because she feared her family would murder her in what is known as “honor killing,” is at the center of a controversy sparking nationwide debate.

Honor killing, which occurs predominantly in Muslim countries, is the killing of a person believed to have brought dishonor upon his or her family.

Bary’s family moved to the United States from Sri Lanka to get her medical care after an accident left her blind in one eye.  Rifqa, a Christian convert, left her Muslim parents’ home in July, seeking refuge with the Global Revolution Church in Florida.  The teenager claims her father threatened her with honor killing after discovering she had been baptized.

According to sources, Rifqa was accompanied by friends to the counselor at the Columbus area middle school she attended, after beatings by her father and brother resulted in bruises covering her arms and legs.

“The middle school, in a serious dereliction of duty, did not report these beatings to child welfare services,” reports Pamela Geller on Atlas Shrugs. “Beatings were random, violent, unprovoked. Take, for example, when Rifqa and her father Mohamed were driving in the car. He would force her to wear the hijab (head covering), which she hated. In her discomfort she would slouch down, embarrassed, and her father would haul off and sock her in the face so that she never forgot to sit up straight in her costume. The beatings were regular and so much a part of the landscape of Rifqa’s life, she became inured to them …”

Rifqa contacted Blake and Beverly Lorenz, pastors of the Florida church whom she met on a Facebook prayer group.  She then took a Greyhound bus to Orlando, seeking refuge with the couple.

The girl’s father, Mohamed Bary, denies her allegations, and claims the teen has been brainwashed by Lorenz, and has asked that the Florida courts send her home.

Bary’s father calls the Global Revolution Church a “cult” who kidnapped his daughter, and Pakistan Daily reported that Rifqa was pregnant and  “into drugs, promiscuous behavior and raunchy messages on Facebook. She was discussing sex with multiple older married men. When the parents tried to control her behavior she refused to do so. On her return to the home she conjured up a story of conversion to Christianity. There are serious accusations against the church on holding a minor girl in custody against the will of her guardians and parents. How many more girls will the church kidnap?”

A Florida judge determined today that Rifqa will not be immediately returned to her parents’ home, as they wished.  The judge set a hearing for September 3, at which time a dependency petition will be argued.

“What occurred today was an amazing victory for Rifqa and an amazing victory for religious liberty and freedom in America,” said John Stemberg, an attorney representing the teen.

“The court is going to allow at least for the time period, for Rifqa to stay in Florida and not be returned to her home in Ohio,” he said.

This story is sure to be a hotbed of controversy in the months to come — one we will be watching closely.

View video of Rifqa Bary and the media storm below.

On the Susan Murphy Milano Show: The Grace and Strength to Survive

The Grace and Strength to Survive

http://murphymilanojournal.blogspot.com/2009/08/grace-and-strength-to-survive.html


Grace is difficult to achieve when a woman makes the painful decision to exist a violent marriage. And the strength required to end the nightmare of abuse can break not only bones but, mind and spirit.

On the Susan Murphy Milano show author of the book "Graceful Reflections," Abigail Lurae.

Claudine Dombrowski from Mothers Without Custody. And Lorraine Tipton who is also known "Mama Liberty" a popular blog for mothers in violent relationships seeking a "life raft."

DATE: August 26, 2009

TIME: 3:00 PM Central Standard Time


Live call in Number: 347-326-9337

If you are unable to listen live, return to this site and the show will automatically play. Just remember to turn on and up the volume on your computer.




Seed Newsvine

25 August 2009

Injured baby’s mother speaks out on abuse

 

Original:  http://www.woai.com/news/local/story/Injured-baby-s-mother-speaks-out-on-abuse/Q83Yb61YQ0KPZl12VHXIFw.cspx

Injured baby’s mother speaks out on abuse

Last Update: 8/23 2:36 pm

Print Story |


Mom Speaks About Child's Abuse

Gabriel Eron Hall, 20, was arguing with his girlfriend, the child’s mother, August 19 when the abuse is said to have taken place. (Bexar County Sheriff's Office)

Gabriel Eron Hall, 20, was arguing with his girlfriend, the child’s mother, August 19 when the abuse is said to have taken place. (Bexar County Sheriff's Office)

SAN ANTONIO -- Maria Lujano’s says she doesn’t want another baby to suffer the same abuse as her infant son named Talos.
“You know, if I had just put him to sleep and waited for his pain to pass, I would have lost him,” Lujano said about her son’s crying. “I’d be making funeral arrangements.”

Lujano’s 20-year-old boyfriend, Gabriel Eron Hall, is in jail accused of violently shaking their 4-month-old baby during an argument at the couple’s home Tuesday. Lujano says doctors at University Hospital are not only treating her child for serious head injuries, she says they’ve also told her it’s not the first time the baby’s been abused.

“I should have linked the nausea, vomiting, and unusual behavior he was exhibiting together,” Lujano said as she described her child’s demeanor days before witnessing the shaking.

The 27-year-old mother says she didn’t realize the baby’s strange behavior was a warning sign that Little Talos may have been in danger around his dad.

Now Lujano wants all parents to keep a close eye on their own children’s behavior.

“Be aware!” Lujano demands. “If something seems slightly off and they’re just acting a little different, and your gut is telling you that something doesn’t seem right, don’t hesitate to take your child to the doctor.”

Lujano says doctors have cleared Talos to go home. His dad remains in jail on a $1-million bond.

Injured baby’s mother speaks out on abuse | WOAI.COM: San Antonio News

Is America really this gullible? Parental Alienation Syndrome

 

From RightsForMothers.com 
Parental Alienation Syndrome: How Gullible Are We?

Up for inclusion in the new DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the most widely used psychiatric reference in the world) is the so-called “Parental Alienation Syndrome,” a syndrome invented by the pedophile-loving psychologist Dr. Richard Gardner, who committed suicide eventually.  Also up for inclusion again is making women’s menstrual cycles a psychiatric syndrome. Geezzzzz.

Money-grubbing nutcase lawyers and/or psychologists (in some cases they have both degrees!) work to get these so-called syndromes included so they can use them as a basis for taking children from protective parents (and make more money).  They use this twisted science as a basis for their claims…just how gullible do they think we all are?  Apparently many judges are, and the National Council of Juvenile and Family Court Judges are trying to correct this: see Family Courts are Warned They Should Not Accept So-called “Parental Alienation Syndrome”.

Here is a good example of how gullible people can be when you start throwing out so-called “scientific claims”:

Dihydrogen Monoxide

Dihydrogen Monoxide

A student at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical “dihydrogen monoxide.”

And for plenty of good reasons, since:

1. it can cause excessive sweating and vomiting 2. it is a major component in acid rain 3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state 4. accidental inhalation can kill you 5. it contributes to erosion 6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes 7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients

He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical.

Forty-three (43) said yes, six (6) were undecided, and only one (1) knew that the chemical was actually just plain old water.

The title of his prize winning project was, “How Gullible Are We?”

He feels the conclusion is obvious.

http://www.snopes.com/science/dhmo.asp

Abuse: Maternal Deprivation

 

Maternal Deprivation Abuse

Victims of domestic violence suffer physical and emotional trauma at the hands of their abusers. Some don’t escape these relationships alive. But even for those who are fortunate enough to get out with their lives, their ordeal isn’t necessarily over. In many cases their tormentors still pose a threat to them and their children. And as they try to protect themselves and their loved ones they are often victimized again; this time by the very legal system they thought would provide them with justice and a safety net.

There are way too many horror stories out there about how these vulnerable women are subjected to even more abuse as they go through the system. And one of the most troublesome scenarios is when the courts issue a ruling that removes their children from them, sometimes awarding custody to the abuser.

On the Juror Thirteen show on August 26 we’ll talk about this problem with three women who can speak from personal experience. Advocate and author Susan Murphy-Milano, and Janice Levinson and Claudine Dombrowski of the Protective Mothers Alliance will discuss what mothers can do to bring about change in the treatment of protective mothers and their children in family court proceedings. All three have lost children to maternal deprivation abuse.

You can hear the show beginning at 9 pm Eastern at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/dennisngriffin. Your questions or comments can be called in by phone or made through the show’s chat room.

24 August 2009

Google, the gender confused search engine

 

Imagine a mom who has just had her kids removed from her care by a family court judge who gave them to the father that abused her and her children.  Imagine if you will how she would feel when she starts searching on the internet for a way to help her kids and she first tries searching for “child custody rights” and up pops all these father’s rights sites.  Does this mean that her children have no rights, that only the father does?  She gives up on that avenue of searching and searched for “motherless statistics gov” and Google then asks:  “Did you mean: fatherless statistics gov”.  Does this mean that this mom has no rights or stats or anything that she may turn to in order to protect her kids, or does it mean that the family courts in this country have taken over our search engines as well as the ability of the mother to protect her kids?

 

From Father’s Rights Movement Naked (thanks girls, this is funny, sad and pathetic at the same time…you gals did a good job):

Sunday, August 23, 2009

The FR Google Conspiracy



23 August 2009

Seven dangerous wanted men in Aiken County

Pictures are in the link at the bottom of this article on the original site, the link to the pictures is also below the article here.

Original:  http://www.wrdw.com/crimeteam12/headlines/53749467.html

News 12 at 11 o'clock, August 19, 2009

AIKEN, S.C. --- This week Aiken County's most wanted list focuses on criminal domestic violence with intent to kill.

The search is on for Carlos Antonio Allen. He's also known as "Lupe." He's considered armed & dangerous. He's a 32-year-old black male about 5'8 inches tall and 149 pounds. Allen is wanted for criminal domestic violence high & aggravated and kidnapping. His previous convictions include CDV, armed robbery, lynching 2nd degree, driving under suspension, possession of stolen property and contempt.

Next is Lavell Maurice Collins, a 36-year-old black male who is 5'7 inches and 210 pounds. He is wanted for criminal domestic violence high & aggravation.

Eric Stephen Hopson is also wanted for criminal domestic high and aggravated. He is a 44-year-old white male with green eyes and brown hair. He is 5'8 inches and about 150 pounds.

John Curtis Skipper is 45 years old. He is 6'1 inches tall and 170 pounds with brown hair and brown eyes. Skipper is wanted for criminal domestic violence high & aggravated.

Joseph Eugene Henley, Sr. is considered very dangerous. He is a black male, 45 years old and about 6'4 inches tall. He weighs 200 pounds. Henley is wanted for criminal domestic violence high & aggravated (2 counts), malicious injury to property, and a family court bench warrant. Previous convictions include assault, CDV-felony (3 counts), malicious injury to property, resisting arrest, CDV (2 counts), CDV high & aggravated.

Eric Stephen Hopson is wanted for criminal domestic violence-high and aggravated. He is a white male, 44 years old about 150 pounds.

If you have any information about the whereabouts of any of these wanted individuals, contact the Aiken County Sheriff's office at (800) 922-9709.

Pictures of individuals named above:  http://www.aikencountysheriff.org/pdfs/WANTED%20by%20Charge-ABHAN.pdf