Abuse Survivor Speaking Out

We found this at Tailored Life Coaching, the link to her post is:  http://tailoredlifecoaching.blogspot.com/2010/06/survivor-story-survivor-and-kids-still.html 

This story was emailed to me to post here to help raise awareness to the issues that victims of domestic violence face.

THIS IS MY STORY...

ON DECEMBER 27, 2007 MY EX CAME HOME AROUND 6 AM DRUNK.  HE ACCUSED ME OF HAVING SOMEONE IN HIS HOUSE THAT DID NOT BELONG.  AT THAT POINT HE SWUNG AT ME, AND HIT ME IN THE SIDE OF MY FACE.  MY BEST FRIEND WAS SITTING ON THE COUCH, AND HE TURNED TO HER AND SAID 'YOU WANT SOME TOO BITCH?'  SHE RAN.  WHEN SHE REACHED HER CAR AND LOCKED HERSELF IN, SHE CALLED 911.  I WAS STILL IN THE HOUSE, TAKING MY BEATING.  WHEN THE POLICE SHOWED UP, IT WAS OBVIOUS THERE HAD BEEN A STRUGGLE. SHELVES HAD BEEN KNOCKED ONTO THE FLOOR, WHEN MY HEAD HIT THEM. MY GLASS COFFEE TABLE WAS SHATTERED. MY FACE WAS BADLY BRUISED. THEY DID NOT TAKE PICTURES. THEY ALMOST LET HIM GO, BECAUSE HE CONTINUOUSLY BEGGED ME NOT TO 'LIE' TO THE POLICE, AND TO PLEASE NOT TO THIS TO HIM.  MY KIDS WERE AT HOME. THEY WERE STILL ASLEEP. I BEGGED OFFICERS TO TAKE HIM AWAY. THIS WAS NOT MY FIRST BEATING...AND MY BABIES WERE MORE IMPORTANT.  I SAW THIS AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO SAVE MY CHILDREN, AND MYSELF, FOR THIS WAS NOT THE FIRST...OR THE LAST BEATING.  THE FOLLOWING WEEKEND, MY DOOR WAS KICKED IN 3 NIGHTS IN A ROW. THE WEEK AFTER THAT, HE FOUND ME AT A BIRTHDAY PARTY, AND GAVE ME THE MOST BRUTAL BEATING YET. HE VIOLATED A PFA, AND NOTHING WAS DONE ABOUT IT. THERE WERE NO "EYEWITNESSES" TO THE BEATING. THE WEEK AFTER THAT MY WINDSHIELD WAS BUSTED OUT OF MY CAR.  I DECIDED THIS NEEDED TO END, AND I WENT INTO HIDING, AND STARTED TO RUN. HE WOULD FIND ME, AND BEG.  I WOULD STAND MY GRAND, HE WOULD ATTEMPT SUICIDE. THE LAST SUICIDE ATTEMPT HE SHOWED UP WHERE I LIVED, AND SWALLOWED AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF PILLS IN FRONT OF ME...I JUST LOOKED AT HIM AND SAID "I HOPE YOU'RE NOT EXPECTING ME TO CALL AN AMBULANCE, IM NOT GOING TO", THAT TIME HE ACTUALLY LEFT...I WENT BACK TO SLEEP....

WE DIDN'T HEAR FROM HIM AGAIN, PHONE CALLS HERE AND THERE CUT SHORT.  WE LET HIM SEE THE GIRLS ONCE OR TWICE, SUPERVISED ONLY...AND THEN THE CALLS AND CONTACT STOPPED. FOR 8 MONTHS, BECAUSE IN FRONT OF HIS MOTHER, HE SLAPPED MY 3 YR OLD BABY IN THE FACE AND CALLED HER WHITE TRASH WHILE DROPPING THEM OFF...IT ENDED THERE. MEMORIAL WEEKEND 2009.

OCTOBER 2, 2009

HE WAS FOUND IN CONTEMPT OF COURT FOR NON PAYMENT OF CHILD SUPPORT. HE WAS GIVEN A 6 MONTH SUSPENDED SENTENCE.  AFTER 2 YEARS OF NONPAYMENT, HE IS ALLOWED 3 MORE MONTHS TO ATTEMPT, OR GO TO JAIL JAN. 11, 2010. I HAVE STILL RECEIVED NO PAYMENTS.

OCTOBER 20, 2009

MY MOTHER DROPS MY KIDS OFF, FOR UNKNOWN REASONS WITH HIS PARENTS....THE MINUTE MY CHILDREN STEP FOOT INTO THEIR HOUSE...SRS IS CALLED.  THE ALLEGATIONS ARE CHILD ABUSE/NEGLECT, DUE TO A "KNOT" ON ONE'S FOREHEAD, AND THE OTHER'S "BLACK EYE".  SRS CONTACTS ME, AND I EXPLAIN...WE WERE AT A FRIEND'S HOUSE, WHO HAS 2 OLDER CHILDREN.  THEY WERE PLAYING ON BUNKBEDS AND HEADBUTTED EACH OTHER AT SOME POINT. THEY ARE KIDS...AFTER GETTING OFF THE PHONE WITH SRS, I RECEIVE A PHONE CALL FROM HIS PARENT'S "COME PICK THESE KIDS UP, I HAVE PLANS, AND THEY ARE TOO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE".  CONSIDERING THEY ARE MINE, AND WERE TAKEN THERE WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE, SURE THAT'S FINE...

OR SO I THOUGHT...

THE CASEWORKER ON THE CASE DOING THE "INVESTIGATION", TELLS ME I AM "MINIMIZING" THE SITUATION. SHE BELIEVES MY HUSBAND IS ABUSING ME AND THE CHILDREN, AND I AM TOO AFRAID TO COME FORWARD. SHE HAS "SEVERAL STATEMENTS" FROM PEOPLE "CLOSE" TO US TO BACK THIS UP...FINALLY I TELL HER, I WILL NOT SPEAK TO HER ANYMORE WITHOUT PRESENCE OF AN ATTORNEY.  SHE CONTINUOUSLY MAKES ME TO BELIEVE MY OWN FAMILY IS OUT TO GET ME, EVEN MY OWN MOTHER. I DON'T KNOW WHO TO TRUST, SO I QUIT TALKING TO ANYONE INVOLVED IN THE CASE.  THIS WOMAN OFFERED A FEW FAMILY MEMBER'S MONEY, MONTHLY, TO TAKE MY CHILDREN. SHE OFFERED TO PAY FOR CHILDCARE, TO TAKE MY CHILDREN.  SHE STATED TO ME SHE "DID NOT BELIEVE, I OR MY EX SHOULD HAVE OUR CHILDREN."  THEN SHE DID THE MOST HORRIBLE THING POSSIBLE...SHE GAVE THE EX, MY ADDRESS, MY PHONE NUMBER, MY EMPLOYER INFO, AND CONTACT NUMBERS BELONGING TO MY FAMILY.  HE HAD ABSOLUTELY NONE OF THIS INFORMATION TO BEGIN WITH. SRS PUT ME AND MY FAMILY, IN DIRECT DANGER, WITH A MAN WHO HAD ALREADY BEEN CHARGED AND CONVICTED, FOR BEATING ME. THE EXACT PEOPLE, WHO ARE SPECIFICALLY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING TO PROTECT MY CHILDREN...PUT MY CHILDREN AND MYSELF'S LIVES AT RISK...THEY GOT AWAY WITH IT...AND STILL ARE!

DECEMBER 2. 2009

A LETTER COMES IN THE MAIL FROM SRS. THE CASEWORKER ADVISES THAT SHE "EMPATHIZES" WITH MY SITUATION, AND HAD RECEIVED THE LETTER I WROTE HER.  WHILE I HAVE THE RIGHT TO MY OPINION, SHE HAS SEVERAL FACTS AND STATEMENTS BACKING UP WHAT SHE "BELIEVES" IS GOING ON. DESPITE HER FACTS AND EVIDENCE, SHE WILL BE CLOSING MY CASE SOON.  SHE ALSO ADVISES ME THAT IF THERE ARE ANY FURTHER REPORTS IN THE FUTURE, MY CHILDREN WILL BE AT RISK FOR REMOVAL FROM MY HOME....LATER ON THAT DAY....WHILE DOING LAUNDRY, I TELL THE KIDS TO STOP JUMPING ON THE BED...OF COURSE MY HANDS ARE FULL, AND THEY DO NOT LISTEN. NOT 2 MINUTES LATER, THEY ARE BOTH CRYING.  I GO INTO THE ROOM, MY 3 YEAR OLD STOPS CYRING, BUT MY 2 YEAR OLD SAY SHE IS HURT.  WHEN ASKING HER WHERE IT HURTS, SHE POINTS TO HER FOOT, HER LEG, HER HAND, AND HER ARM.  I FIGURE SHE IS JUST TIRED, AND TELL THEM TO LAY DOWN FOR NAP TIME.  WE HAVE ORIENTATION FOR SCHOOL, SO WE CALL A SITTER WHILE THEY ARE STILL ASLEEP, AND LEAVE.  THE SITTER CALLS MID-ORIENTATION STATING SHE THINKS MY 2 YEAR OLD'S ARM OR SHOULDER IS HURT.  WE COME HOME AND SURE ENOUGH, SHE SEEMS TO BE IN A LOT OF PAIN.  I CALL OUR FAMILY DOCTOR, AND HE IS WORKING ER AND SAYS TO BRING HER IN. AFTER BEING ASSESSED AND EVALUATED IT IS DETERMINED HER COLLAR BONE IS BROKEN, BUT IS A VERY COMMON FRACTURE....

DECEMBER 4, 2009

I RECEIVE YET ANOTHER CALL FROM THE CASEWORKER.  QUESTIONING ME ON THE INJURY MY DAUGHTER RECEIVED 2 DAYS BEFORE. I EXPLAIN TO HER WHAT HAPPENED, AND SHE ADVISES THE CASE WILL NO LONGER BE CLOSING DUE TO HER "NEW" INTAKE AND REPORT.  SHE TELLS ME SHE NEEDS TO "INTERVIEW" THE GIRLS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.  I HANG UP. WHILE AT A FRIENDS HOUSE LATER ON THAT DAY, MY LANDLORD CALLS. HE IS VERY UPSET, AND ADVISES ME HE LET THE WPD IN TO SEARCH MY HOME, AND THEY ARE LOOKING FOR MY CHILDREN.  IN SHOCK, I CALL MY MOTHER TO WATCH THE CHILDREN SO I CAN FIGURE OUT WHAT IS GOING ON.  THE MINUTE WE GET TO THE HOUSE, THE WPD CALLS AND SAYS "NOBODY IS IN TROUBLE, WE JUST NEED YOU TO SIGN SOME PAPERWORK".  10 MINUTES LATER THEY SHOW UP WITH AN ORDER FOR PROTECTION. AT THIS POINT THEY NOTIFY ME, THEY HAVE ALREADY TAKEN MY CHILDREN INTO CUSTODY, AND RELEASE THEM TO THEIR FATHER.(THE ABUSER)  OVERCOME WITH EMOTIONS I AM SO HYSTERICAL I CAN'T EVEN SPEAK....THIS IS FRIDAY EVENING...THE COURT HOUSE IS CLOSED...THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO, AND MY CHILDREN HAVE BEEN ENDANGERED. NEXT YOU WILL READ AN ARTICLE WRITTEN BY A DEAR FRIEND IN REFERENCE TO ME.

Sedgwick County 18th Judicial Court

Judge Jeff Syrios

Judge Syrios gave custody and granted a protection order of two small children to a convicted domestic violence criminal and the children who are aged 2 & 3 years old, were picked up on friday, 12/4/09, by the Wichita police and transported to an unknown location and the mother still has no idea where her children are. The mother of the little children went to see Judge Syrios today, 12/7/09,  to explain the father's past and criminal conviction, father is suicidal, lives in a halfway house, and that these children are in danger, but Judge Syrios would not release the children back to the mother.

This father had other children from a previous relationship and his parental rights were severed in this same jurisdiction, here in Sedgwick County.

Mother had been investigated because one of the children had fallen and broke their coller bone. This was cleared by two medical physicians who noted that this was an accident. But now since father filed a protection order, the SRS is involved again which looks more like SRS is working for this convicted criminal.

DECEMBER 7, 2009

ME AND MY HUSBAND HEAD TO THE COURTHOUSE, TO SEE IF THERE IS ANYONE TO GET MY GIRLS BACK.  OUR FIRST STOP IS THE PFA OFFICE.(WE THOUGHT THEY COULD ASSIST IN PROTECTING US) NO LUCK. THEY BASICALLY SAY, SORRY HE HAS TO BEAT YOU AGAIN, AND THEN WE CAN PROTECT YOU.  THEY ARE ALSO MADE AWARE OF THE PFA FILED BY THE EX.  AGAIN, SORRY, THERE IS NOTHING WE CAN DO, HE RAISED HIS HAND AND SWORE THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH, SO HE MUST HAVE BEEN TELLING THE TRUTH...BLAH BLAH BLAH.  NEXT STOP DISTRICT ATTORNEY NOLA FOULSTON'S OFFICE...AGAIN...NOTHING.  NEXT STOP, THE JUDGE'S CHAMBERS. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THE JUDGE SPEAKS TO US. HE IS INFORMED OF THE ENTIRE SITUATION, BUT STATES ALL HE CAN DO IS MOVE THE HEARING DATE UP, AND WE CAN BE SEEN IN 3 DAYS....THIS IS BECAUSE ONCE AGAIN, SRS IS INVOLVED.  APPARENTLY HE CALLED THE CASEWORKER ASSIGNED TO THE CASE, AND LOW AND BEHOLD SHE TOLD HIM SHE "RECOMMENDED" THEY STAY WHERE THEY ARE AT.  WE WERE TOLD THEY ARE "FED, CLOTHED, CLEAN AND SAFE" AND "NOT TO WORRY, JUST SHOW UP FOR COURT"....

DECEMBER 10, 2009

PFA COURT.  AFTER ABOUT 4 HOURS OF SITTING AND WAITING, OUR CASE IS FINALLY HEARD BEFORE A JUDGE.  ON THE PLAINTIFF SIDE, ABUSE ALLEGATIONS ARE MADE, MEDICAL RECORDS ARE PRODUCED, AND TESTIMONY IS MADE BY HIM AND HIS MOTHER.  THEY DUG A PRETTY DEEP HOLE ON THEIR ON, AND CONTRADICTED THEMSELVES MANY TIMES.  THE ISSUE OF SRS GIVING THEM MY PERSONAL INFORMATION COMES UP, AND IS NOT CONTESTED BY EITHER.(INTERESTING HUH)  THE REAL KICKER...PART OF THEIR DEFENSE CONSISTS OF A LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION FROM THE SRS CASEWORKER, INVESTIGATING OUR CASE....FAXED FROM THE SRS CASEWORKER TO THE FAMILY COURT TRUSTEE....MORE PRIVATE INFORMATION BEING PASSED AROUND.  NEEDLESS TO SAY AFTER 2 JUDGES HAVE REVIEWED THE EVIDENCE, EVERYTHING GETS DROPPED....AT LEAST UNTIL SRS DECIDES TO STEP IN, OR CUSTODY COURT ON DECEMBER 21ST.  THE JUDGE ALSO ORDER A CHILD CUSTODY INVESTIGATION TO TAKE PART BEFORE COURT ON THE 21ST...BUT I AM ALLOWED TO PICK UP MY CHILDREN DIRECTLY AFTER COURT....AND AT THIS POINT...DEC. 10TH...THEY ARE IN MY HOME. SAFE. LOVED. AND SECURE.  THE JUDGES AND FAMILY COURTS WILL STILL NOT PROVIDE ME WITH A PFA. UPON ARRIVING AT HOME, MY 3 YR OLD LOOKS ME IN THE EYES, AND SAYS "IF YOU ARE MEAN TO "TROY", HE IS GOING TO BEAT YOU REALLY BADLY."  I ASSUME THIS MESSAGE WAS SENT THROUGH HER, DUE TO THE NO CONTACT ORDER IN PLACE....I AM PUBLIC WITH MY STORY, BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT THIS TO HAPPEN TO ANYONE ELSE.  I THINK SOMETHING DEFINITELY NEEDS TO BE CHANGED OR FIGURED OUT.  THESE ARE CHILDREN, NOT PAYCHECKS.  IT IS OUR GOD GIVEN RIGHT TO BE A PARENT.  WE ARE NOT EVEN GIVEN A CHANCE TO DEFEND OURSELVES AGAINST THE ALLEGATIONS MADE.  ONCE A  REPORT IS RECEIVED, WE ARE GUILTY UNTIL PROVEN INNOCENT.  OUR RIGHTS AS HUMANS ARE BEING VIOLATED. THIS HAS GOT TO END.  OUR STORIES NEED TO BE HEARD, AND NOT FILED AWAY.  THIS IS TRAUMATIZING OUR CHILDREN, AND THEY ARE NOT GIVING THEM A CHANCE.  THEY ARE DESTROYING OUR KIDS, AND EVERYONE BUT THE MOTHER'S AND/OR FATHER'S ARE THE ONLY ONE'S WORRYING ABOUT PROTECTING THEM.  MY CASEWORKER NEARLY SIGNED MY DEATH WARRANT, BY GIVING OUT VITAL INFORMATION TO MY PERPETRATOR.  NOT ONLY THAT, BUT IS BASICALLY HOLDING HIS HAND THROUGH THE PROCESS.....IS THIS JUSTICE? IS THIS HOW THE SYSTEM IS SUPPOSED TO WORK?

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